This past week, I have been thinking about picking up lion dance and wushu again. Honestly, I stopped doing it because the longer and the more I practiced, the more it seemed too competitive and stressful. Also, lion dancing didn't seem to be fun anymore without the folks from high school. I wish I knew back then that it was the only time we would ever get to do that crazy shit together. Now I really regret the time wasted.
So the reason why I started thinking about it again is because recently I have been watching a series of kung fu and wushu fighting Chinese movies. haha. When I was watching it, I was reminiscing the times when Jared (my instructor) used to yell at us all the time for not taking the shit seriously. He was so strict and mean at times; but he was also like a big brother to us. I feel really bad because I think I disappointed him when I refused to help him with the lion dance performances. I really want to try it again and learn more about the Chinese culture.
Besides the reminiscing, the movies made me think about the sense of empowerment. The only reason why I even joined lion dance was because I wanted to prove that girls could do what boys could. And after learning it, I realized that it gave me a sense of power - not power over people, but power to protect myself and others. Not that I could really kick some ass or anything, but during those hardcore practices at Jared's backyard, I felt really strong and independent. Something I want to bring up is that I kept having nightmares last week about getting sexually harassed at school. That reminds me of the time that peeping tom was trying to take pictures of me while I was showering at the dorms last year. I swear that was incredibly traumatizing. And still today, I get nightmares and worry when I use public restrooms. I am very angry over the fact that men think they have that kind of power to do that shit to womyn. It makes me sick to hell that it happened to me and I couldn't do a single damn thing. I really felt powerless that time. I guess I just wish that I have the ability to protect myself... which is why I'm starting to see lion dance and wushu as a form of resistance and empowerment for me.
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Wow I never really thought too much about physical empowerment. I also did a couple of things when I was younger to prove that girls could do what boys could do...I always had the fem spirit in me. One of my high school friends called me Jenn the Fem. I feel like the more older I get, the more I conform to the gender divisions which is unfortunate. Thanks for posting. I liked it.
ReplyDeleteF Peeping Toms...low lives.
wtf im sorry that happened to you. it's wild how easily people can be harassed and most of the time, we feel helpless and useless. i hop you have taken up lion dancing and wushu. it's interesting that you think of them as your form of empowerment, a physical one as well. i definitely agree with you. in addition, i also feel that these are also an example of cultural empowerment. because lately ive been thinking about how i don't know off the top of my head, chinese cultural stories like for our specific holidays or i don't know traditions to do during weddings or other ceremonies. i don't what to lose this culture that more and more everyday i'm finding importance and truth and my identity in them
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