It angers me immeasurably how pervasive patriarchy is; how western thought and "traditional relationship" ideology is ingrained in me.
Ive spent years trying to decolonize, viewing people who maintained female=submissive, male=aggressor gender roles with condescension. Ive gone to therapy, and I would never admit openly how thoroughly Ive lost my shit over a man before...at least not without it being amusing. Ive critically analyzed my dependency, I know have "daddy" abandonment issues, but the first step to overcoming is acceptance. But when I think about how easily the feminist mindframe can be derailed, how quickly one can just give up the struggle, I get pissed. It boils down to this....I AM TIRED.
My first year of college, the beginning of my adult life, I was stalked and raped. The second I spent in an abusive relationship. The third I almost died. The fourth I dropped out from and the fifth I graduated (barely) after that allergy incident with one less degree than Id worked for. Now I have a degree that I may as well wipe my ass with (at least then it would serve some purpose lol). Yes I am tired, to say the least. Tired and under-appreciated and as much as it pains me to say, I want to marry some well-paid man, take care of him so he can take care of me, pop out some brats, and spend a few years comfortably keeping house. Then when Im ready to go back to school that financially well-endowed man can foot the bill...and I will never have another vexing concern regarding money, what Im going to eat, wear, where I will live, or what I will do.Yes the homemaker life is for me right now....the only problem is finding a 6-figure husband....Im 23 and for some reason I cant stop feeling 40. Its causing anxiety.
I was going to be a famous paleontologist, I may yet still. I am going to teach in the fall making an impact in the lives of underprivileged girls. I occasionally consider law school, or still trying to do stand up comedy. I want to experience life to its fullest before I die. I know I am strong for all the things I have overcome, and having had the support of so many other amazing womyn has helped me to keep it together throughout the years. But currently I dont feel very empowered. Yesterday I started cracking the fuck up laughing when I was asked, "Whats good about your life?" My response was "At least I gots two feets...and they work too!" When I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, my first thought is, "Well, fuck it!" I just want to wash a dish, and do some laundry, prepare dinner and be taken care of...tell me that isnt as wrong as it sounds?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Without Passion...
“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.”
What does "No" mean?
(Disclaimer: I'm gonna use guy and girl because that was my experience, but you can fill in with whatever sex or gender you choose)
Girl says: No
[Guy makes move or asks again.] (WTF?)
When a girl says "No," what does that mean?
A) Not now, but please try again later.
B) I'm playing hard-to-get.
C) I want you to work for it and show me how much you want it.
D) Yes.
E) No.
When I say no, I mean no. If I meant yes, I would have said yes. If I meant maybe later, I would have said later.
Someone at a workshop once said that "when a guy says no, it means no, but when a girl says no, it is up for negotiation." The sad thing is that's true.Why is that?
Guys' Perspective (I've been talking to some guys about their opinion on making a move or asking again even after the girl says no)
- They think girls are playing hard-to-get and will only say no to not look too easy.
- They have been socialized to be persistent or else they think they won't get any girls if they're not
Girls' Perspective (or at least my perspective)
- "No" means no.
- "Yes" or action move means yes.
- When someone misinterprets the word, "no," to mean yes, I feel disrespected...like you didn't hear what I just CLEARLY articulated for you. You asked me a question and I answered. It might not be the answer you want, but it IS the answer.
Any thoughts on this scenario?
The Art of Perseverance
Quotes:
"If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average." M.H. Alderson
"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, 'press on' has solved, and always will solve, the problems of the human race."
Calvin Coolidge
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill
"If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked down seventy times and get up off the floor saying. "Here comes number seventy-one!" Richard M. Devos
"For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again." [Proverbs 24:16] Bible
". . . The race is not [always] to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. . ." [Ecclesiastes 9:11] Bible
"It is a shameful thing for the soul to faint while the body still perseveres."
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
"One of the commonest mistakes and one of the costliest is thinking that success is due to some genius, some magic - something or other which we do not possess. Success is generally due to holding on, and failure to letting go. You decide to learn a language, study music, take a course of reading, train yourself physically. Will it be success or failure? It depends upon how much pluck and perseverance that word "decide" contains. The decision that nothing can overrule, the grip that nothing can detach will bring success. Remember the Chinese proverb, "With time and patience, the mulberry leaf becomes satin." Maltbie Davenport Babcock
"Pay as little attention to discouragement as possible. Plough ahead as a steamer does, rough or smooth - rain or shine. To carry your cargo and make your port is the point. "
Maltbie Davenport Babcock
"A man of sense is never discouraged by difficulties; he redoubles his industry and his diligence, he perseveres, and infallibly prevails at last." Lord Chesterfield
"Before success comes in any man's life he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps, some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do."Napoleon Hill
"No man is ever whipped, until he quits -- in his own mind." Napoleon Hill
"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." Walter Elliott
"If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average." M.H. Alderson
"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, 'press on' has solved, and always will solve, the problems of the human race."
Calvin Coolidge
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill
"If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked down seventy times and get up off the floor saying. "Here comes number seventy-one!" Richard M. Devos
"For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again." [Proverbs 24:16] Bible
". . . The race is not [always] to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. . ." [Ecclesiastes 9:11] Bible
"It is a shameful thing for the soul to faint while the body still perseveres."
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
"One of the commonest mistakes and one of the costliest is thinking that success is due to some genius, some magic - something or other which we do not possess. Success is generally due to holding on, and failure to letting go. You decide to learn a language, study music, take a course of reading, train yourself physically. Will it be success or failure? It depends upon how much pluck and perseverance that word "decide" contains. The decision that nothing can overrule, the grip that nothing can detach will bring success. Remember the Chinese proverb, "With time and patience, the mulberry leaf becomes satin." Maltbie Davenport Babcock
"Pay as little attention to discouragement as possible. Plough ahead as a steamer does, rough or smooth - rain or shine. To carry your cargo and make your port is the point. "
Maltbie Davenport Babcock
"A man of sense is never discouraged by difficulties; he redoubles his industry and his diligence, he perseveres, and infallibly prevails at last." Lord Chesterfield
"Before success comes in any man's life he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps, some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do."Napoleon Hill
"No man is ever whipped, until he quits -- in his own mind." Napoleon Hill
"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." Walter Elliott
Friday, February 18, 2011
Has anyone else clicked on "next blog" after reading ours?
All the supposedly "related" blogs are about motherhood and shit. I hope blogger's algorythm doesn't equate womyn with mother. Things that make you go hmmmmmm?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I was doing an interview once and the guy said, you must be psyched by all this Slumdog Millionaire stuff. And I was like, umm… Yeah! I am! I have no idea why, though, as I had NOTHING to do with that movie! It’s just that some people who kinda look like me are in it, and everyone loved it and it won some Oscars and stuff. And then I was like, whoa whoa whoa – are white people just psyched ALL THE TIME? It’s like, Back to the Future – that’s us! Godfather – that’s us! Jaws – that’s us! Every fucking movie BUT Slumdog Millionaire and Boyz n the Hood is us!”
| — | Aziz Ansari (via morebusinessjuiceplease) |
Friday, February 11, 2011
vagina {m}aganda logs
i read this during maganda's open mic: "i love you... not"
it's a satirical tribute to vagina monologues.
no offense to everyone who is a vagina warrior.
Note: I am in fem sex. I am 1 out of 2 asian womyn. In a class of 20.
my vagina is not white
my vagina does live in a
3 story house w/ 5 mercedes benz/ a swimming pool/ jacuzzi/ and RV trailer
w/in a gated community.
my vagina was born and raised in
gov't assisted diapers
hand me down underwears
and discounted feminine pads
my vagina excrete juices
w/ the after taste of vietnamese dinner
pho/ bun bo hue/ spring rolls and fish sauce
not... pineapple juice
my vagina does not thrust to
hannah montana
carrie underwood
or kelley clarkson
it dances to soulful beats of
USHER
trey songz
and beyonce
my vagina is not a "cunt"
it is not something i need to
chant over and over again to feel empowered.
my vagina does not receive top notch private health care
it visits
the free clinic
planned parenthood
and because the university makes me.. I go to tang center.
my vagina does not need to be put on a pedastole
to be looked at
admired
and be replicated through
playdoh
construction paper
or acrylic paint
my vagina represents my mother
being able to escape across the mekong river
rejecting Thai pirates from violating HER vagina
resettling here in America
able to conceive me so that i am here today
vagina
in tact.
my vagina is not a product
of a first wave, white privileged feminism
it is a product of a third world struggle
perseverance and fight
it does not FUCK
white heterosexual penis
it makes love to a beautiful pilipina woman
my vagina is not white
it is not a pretty sorority girl
dressed in a short ass skirt
bout to tease a horny lil frat boy
my vagina is not white
it does not receive play boy coverage
hidden under a hyperlink labeled " asian fettish"
my vagina is not white.
-hellafly
it's a satirical tribute to vagina monologues.
no offense to everyone who is a vagina warrior.
Note: I am in fem sex. I am 1 out of 2 asian womyn. In a class of 20.
my vagina is not white
my vagina does live in a
3 story house w/ 5 mercedes benz/ a swimming pool/ jacuzzi/ and RV trailer
w/in a gated community.
my vagina was born and raised in
gov't assisted diapers
hand me down underwears
and discounted feminine pads
my vagina excrete juices
w/ the after taste of vietnamese dinner
pho/ bun bo hue/ spring rolls and fish sauce
not... pineapple juice
my vagina does not thrust to
hannah montana
carrie underwood
or kelley clarkson
it dances to soulful beats of
USHER
trey songz
and beyonce
my vagina is not a "cunt"
it is not something i need to
chant over and over again to feel empowered.
my vagina does not receive top notch private health care
it visits
the free clinic
planned parenthood
and because the university makes me.. I go to tang center.
my vagina does not need to be put on a pedastole
to be looked at
admired
and be replicated through
playdoh
construction paper
or acrylic paint
my vagina represents my mother
being able to escape across the mekong river
rejecting Thai pirates from violating HER vagina
resettling here in America
able to conceive me so that i am here today
vagina
in tact.
my vagina is not a product
of a first wave, white privileged feminism
it is a product of a third world struggle
perseverance and fight
it does not FUCK
white heterosexual penis
it makes love to a beautiful pilipina woman
my vagina is not white
it is not a pretty sorority girl
dressed in a short ass skirt
bout to tease a horny lil frat boy
my vagina is not white
it does not receive play boy coverage
hidden under a hyperlink labeled " asian fettish"
my vagina is not white.
-hellafly
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