Sunday, June 14, 2009
The "American Experience" -WTF?! Creepy taxi driver.
So at Kuala Lumpur, this taxi driver took me and this other person so we could split the car. He was already trying to persuade me to go to Kuala Lumpur and check out the city center. I said no, just drop me off at the airport. That was normal. Taxi drivers get commission for bringing people to hotels. Then after he dropped her off, he started asking me stuff about America being open. "I heard America is really open. Is it true that people can have babies without being married?" I was like "yea, doesn't that happen everywhere?" He said it couldn't happen in Malaysia. A child of unwed parents won't be able to register and receive the benefits of a citizen. Then he asked me about the average age of the first time people start having sex in America. Then he asked me if I wanted to come over to his place, just shower off, and he'll drive me back in the morning. Are you f'n crazy? He said he wanted the "American experience." I'm sure the mother of his 4 kids would appreciate that. Then we were pretty close to the airport terminal and he was asking me if I was scared. Of course, I'm f'n scared. You could have driven me anywhere! I said no, and I just wanna get to the airport. I initially was gonna bargain with him for 15 ringets, but F that...you can have my 20 ringets...I just wanna get the hell outta your car. The perks of traveling alone as a woman. I have come to the conclusion that people around the world assume American women are easy sluts. I still remember when I went to Vietnam and we had a white woman on our program and they treated her like she was gonna sleep with them or something, but we, looking Asian and all, never got that treatment. Anyway...my final reaction is WTF?!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Post Secret for Asian Americans
I saw this featured on a friend's page from facebook.
http://postmimi.blogspot.com/
http://postmimi.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
J.Pham Travels
I'm in Penang, Malaysia right now and will be in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam soon. Ive been updating on http://jphamtravels.blogspot.com. Check it out. :)
Human Trafficking
Two years ago, I helped out with a panel put on by an anti-sex-trafficking organization called Stop the Traffick at UC Berkeley. Through this event, I was exposed to the atrocities of the sex trafficking industry in the US and the many myths that came with it.
This pushed me to research sex trafficking specifically in Vietnam for a class project, and I learned how at risk of trafficking many Vietnamese women are, especially poor women in rural areas. In a situation with such little resources, women are forced to use their most precious commodity, themselves, to sell for a high price in order to change the course of their futures as well as piously take care of their parents. I think about women in those desperate types of situations, and I shamefully think about the times when I thought my life sucked because I had two finals and a paper due in the same week. My friend once said that if that’s all I have to worry about, then my life is really good. He’s right.
I am about to head to Vietnam for three months on a program called the Vietnamese Advanced Summer Institute to learn Vietnamese starting mid-June. Since I had a close friend working in Malaysia at the Penang Office of the Coalition to Abolish Modern Day Slavery (CAMSA), an anti-human-trafficking organization, I wanted to stop by to visit him and volunteer at the organization.
I got to Penang, Malaysia a few days ago. Yesterday, I was introduced to the office and the staff. Here in Malaysia, there are a significant number of Malaysian locals, Chinese (who helped expand the economy here), Vietnamese (who are usually laborers), and South Asians. I learned that the goal of this CAMSA office is human trafficking, yet practically all of their cases have been labor-related cases because it's easier for laborers to contact the office, and because sex trafficking is organized crime and it gets complicated. Labor trafficking was not what I was familiar with, but I was definitely excited to learn about it.
I’ve been working on a powerpoint to train people about human trafficking and CAMSA. I found out that the majority of human trafficking cases are labor trafficking cases, but sex trafficking definitely gets more media attention. Just talking to people, I have heard that the majority of Vietnamese people in Malaysia are laborers. Vietnam, the source country, exports workers to Malaysia, the destination country. Continuing research for the powerpoint, I found out that Vietnam’s policy, Eradicate Hunger and Reduce Poverty Program, strongly encouraged workers to work abroad and send money home. When problems arise with Vietnamese workers abroad, Vietnamese officials will even come over to the destination country and solve the problem in order to guarantee the quality of their product (their workers). This can mean threatening the workers or even physically abusing them into submission so that they will return to work. It saddens me that Vietnamese citizens are treated by their own people as dispensable tools to build up Vietnam’s economy rather than dignified human beings.
Tonight, I joined two staff members to interview Vietnamese laborers. With my Vietnamese-American Vietnamese skills (not the best), I caught only about 65% of what she was saying, especially with her different accent. However, I could see her frustration at her work place. Racial tensions and language barriers prevent her from speaking up. All she wants to do is make money to send her children to school in Vietnam yet she gets jipped left and right as others blame her constantly for problems within the factory. She takes it because that’s all she can do and with her Vietnamese, she cannot communicate to the people who run the show. She accepts it as fate and just tries to work a little harder to earn enough money.
“Lives that flash in sunshine, and lives that are born in tears, receive their hue from circumstances.” -Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Ann Jacobs
This pushed me to research sex trafficking specifically in Vietnam for a class project, and I learned how at risk of trafficking many Vietnamese women are, especially poor women in rural areas. In a situation with such little resources, women are forced to use their most precious commodity, themselves, to sell for a high price in order to change the course of their futures as well as piously take care of their parents. I think about women in those desperate types of situations, and I shamefully think about the times when I thought my life sucked because I had two finals and a paper due in the same week. My friend once said that if that’s all I have to worry about, then my life is really good. He’s right.
I am about to head to Vietnam for three months on a program called the Vietnamese Advanced Summer Institute to learn Vietnamese starting mid-June. Since I had a close friend working in Malaysia at the Penang Office of the Coalition to Abolish Modern Day Slavery (CAMSA), an anti-human-trafficking organization, I wanted to stop by to visit him and volunteer at the organization.
I got to Penang, Malaysia a few days ago. Yesterday, I was introduced to the office and the staff. Here in Malaysia, there are a significant number of Malaysian locals, Chinese (who helped expand the economy here), Vietnamese (who are usually laborers), and South Asians. I learned that the goal of this CAMSA office is human trafficking, yet practically all of their cases have been labor-related cases because it's easier for laborers to contact the office, and because sex trafficking is organized crime and it gets complicated. Labor trafficking was not what I was familiar with, but I was definitely excited to learn about it.
I’ve been working on a powerpoint to train people about human trafficking and CAMSA. I found out that the majority of human trafficking cases are labor trafficking cases, but sex trafficking definitely gets more media attention. Just talking to people, I have heard that the majority of Vietnamese people in Malaysia are laborers. Vietnam, the source country, exports workers to Malaysia, the destination country. Continuing research for the powerpoint, I found out that Vietnam’s policy, Eradicate Hunger and Reduce Poverty Program, strongly encouraged workers to work abroad and send money home. When problems arise with Vietnamese workers abroad, Vietnamese officials will even come over to the destination country and solve the problem in order to guarantee the quality of their product (their workers). This can mean threatening the workers or even physically abusing them into submission so that they will return to work. It saddens me that Vietnamese citizens are treated by their own people as dispensable tools to build up Vietnam’s economy rather than dignified human beings.
Tonight, I joined two staff members to interview Vietnamese laborers. With my Vietnamese-American Vietnamese skills (not the best), I caught only about 65% of what she was saying, especially with her different accent. However, I could see her frustration at her work place. Racial tensions and language barriers prevent her from speaking up. All she wants to do is make money to send her children to school in Vietnam yet she gets jipped left and right as others blame her constantly for problems within the factory. She takes it because that’s all she can do and with her Vietnamese, she cannot communicate to the people who run the show. She accepts it as fate and just tries to work a little harder to earn enough money.
“Lives that flash in sunshine, and lives that are born in tears, receive their hue from circumstances.” -Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Ann Jacobs
Monday, June 8, 2009
My SEAGrad speech
Born and raised in the United States, I have always idolized the perfect “American family” on TV, a contrast to my own family. Growing up, my mother worked everyday leaving at 7am and coming home at 10pm at night, while my grandma took care of my siblings and me during the day. My ideal vision of two parents coming home from work early to spend time with their children was not my childhood reality.
It was not until college that I realized that this was not just the story of my life, but the lives of many others as a result of the war. Through joining organizations like REACH, the Asian and Pacific Islander Recruitment Retention Center, and the Southeast Asian Student Coalition (SASC), I finally understood my Vietnamese-American identity. These organizations helped me mature as a person and share with others what I had learned: we are the aftermath of a war that had nothing to do with us but everything to do with us, a war that was not our fault, a war that placed Southeast Asian faces on a continent far from its origin. We are our own community, a diaspora of Southeast Asians in the U.S. searching for a better life and struggling together in the process.
As a result of the War in Southeast Asia, also commonly known as the Vietnam War, our grandparents, our parents, our aunts, our uncles, our siblings are looked down upon on a daily basis for talking with an accent. They are the minorities that are discriminated and stereotyped in a country in which they don’t look like the majority. They are the laborers that we, their children, blamed and resented for not spending more time with us because they, not wanted to but needed to work long hours to raise us.
But let’s not forget that these people are the few who daringly risked everything to leave the country with only faith and hope in their pockets. They are also the courageous activists who chose to take a stand, who refused to succumb to the chains of unspoken injustices, unexplained imprisonments, and unjustified killings. They are the sacrificing solders, the courageous fighters, the daring heroes, the resilient survivors that have crossed oceans, skies, fields, and war zones to get us on this stage.
SEAGrad is a unique graduation that does more than celebrate the graduating individual. It commemorates the Southeast Asian community’s struggles, sacrifices, and triumphs and passes the spotlight to our mothers, our fathers, our sisters, our brothers, our aunts, our uncles, our grandparents, our friends, our community members who have sacrificed for us and are just as deserving of the achievement that we, as graduates, are standing on stage and taking credit for today.
This black gown I am wearing is stitched together by the sweat and tear drops of my family’s sacrifices and this cap I wear on my head is the crown of hopes and dreams they have endowed on me to be something great.
Our parents are living proof that freedom and higher education are privileges that not everyone is granted. College is one of the few ways to learn about our history and culture and change the course of our futures. As graduates of UC Berkeley, we are in a place of privilege. We have received the precious opportunity to encounter passion all around us, to mold our talents through community organizing, and to be empowered through dialogue. We, as graduates of the #1 public university in the nation, are expected to be great.
However, great does not necessarily mean making the most money or obtaining the highest position of power. Great is like the Southeast Asian refugees in this room who have proven to us everyday that it’s not what happens to you but how you deal with it that makes you great. Great is passion, is sacrifice, is serving, is living for something bigger than you. My friend once said, “You don’t just find passion. You create it. It’s trying your best and believing that your actions matter to someone, even if you don’t know who yet.” As the resilient survivors of war have done before us, let us, the class of 2009, rise above the gruesome shadows of history and commit our lives to moving forward and making positive change for the future.
It was not until college that I realized that this was not just the story of my life, but the lives of many others as a result of the war. Through joining organizations like REACH, the Asian and Pacific Islander Recruitment Retention Center, and the Southeast Asian Student Coalition (SASC), I finally understood my Vietnamese-American identity. These organizations helped me mature as a person and share with others what I had learned: we are the aftermath of a war that had nothing to do with us but everything to do with us, a war that was not our fault, a war that placed Southeast Asian faces on a continent far from its origin. We are our own community, a diaspora of Southeast Asians in the U.S. searching for a better life and struggling together in the process.
As a result of the War in Southeast Asia, also commonly known as the Vietnam War, our grandparents, our parents, our aunts, our uncles, our siblings are looked down upon on a daily basis for talking with an accent. They are the minorities that are discriminated and stereotyped in a country in which they don’t look like the majority. They are the laborers that we, their children, blamed and resented for not spending more time with us because they, not wanted to but needed to work long hours to raise us.
But let’s not forget that these people are the few who daringly risked everything to leave the country with only faith and hope in their pockets. They are also the courageous activists who chose to take a stand, who refused to succumb to the chains of unspoken injustices, unexplained imprisonments, and unjustified killings. They are the sacrificing solders, the courageous fighters, the daring heroes, the resilient survivors that have crossed oceans, skies, fields, and war zones to get us on this stage.
SEAGrad is a unique graduation that does more than celebrate the graduating individual. It commemorates the Southeast Asian community’s struggles, sacrifices, and triumphs and passes the spotlight to our mothers, our fathers, our sisters, our brothers, our aunts, our uncles, our grandparents, our friends, our community members who have sacrificed for us and are just as deserving of the achievement that we, as graduates, are standing on stage and taking credit for today.
This black gown I am wearing is stitched together by the sweat and tear drops of my family’s sacrifices and this cap I wear on my head is the crown of hopes and dreams they have endowed on me to be something great.
Our parents are living proof that freedom and higher education are privileges that not everyone is granted. College is one of the few ways to learn about our history and culture and change the course of our futures. As graduates of UC Berkeley, we are in a place of privilege. We have received the precious opportunity to encounter passion all around us, to mold our talents through community organizing, and to be empowered through dialogue. We, as graduates of the #1 public university in the nation, are expected to be great.
However, great does not necessarily mean making the most money or obtaining the highest position of power. Great is like the Southeast Asian refugees in this room who have proven to us everyday that it’s not what happens to you but how you deal with it that makes you great. Great is passion, is sacrifice, is serving, is living for something bigger than you. My friend once said, “You don’t just find passion. You create it. It’s trying your best and believing that your actions matter to someone, even if you don’t know who yet.” As the resilient survivors of war have done before us, let us, the class of 2009, rise above the gruesome shadows of history and commit our lives to moving forward and making positive change for the future.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
How I'd like to live life
1. Continuously write—to share, to inspire, to transform, to heal.
2. See mistakes not as regrets but as learning experiences.
3. Do things out of love. Love is selfless, serving, sacrificing. “Love makes the world go round.” Love for and from others makes life worth living.
4. Serve others. All great leaders first and foremost sacrifice in service of others.
5. Invest my time in relationships. When I am on my deathbed, I don’t want to be holding onto bank statements or report cards. I want to be bathing in the care of my friends and family. Give people roses when they can still smell them.
6. Appreciate every day. “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why they call it the present.” Some people would give anything for just one more day to live, to walk, to breathe, to learn, to love.
7. Travel the world. The world is my playground. Why limit myself only to what I’ve seen when there’s a whole world waiting for me to discover it? Different cultures, peoples, and stories eagerly wait to crush my misconceptions, dissolve my stereotypes, and astound my mind.
8. Never stop learning. I am never too old or too wise to learn. My college professors introduce me to a limited field of knowledge but urge me to aim for the unending horizon of research.
9. Never be ashamed of my circumstances but instead take pride in how I respond to them. Life is like a poker game. We play the cards we are dealt. I hope to have the “strength to accept the things that I can't change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
10. Never forget to put myself in the shoes of others. "Lives that flash in sunshine, and lives that are born in tears, receive their hue from circumstances." I want to remember that people are not just people and their actions, but a consequence of years of social circumstances as well. Everyone carries at least one secret that would break hearts and if we all remembered that, this place would be a better place.
11. Have the strength to let go. Sometimes attachments are so deeply rooted that it hurts to let go, but the truth has to be accepted and put behind us.
12. Forgive. “If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.”
2. See mistakes not as regrets but as learning experiences.
3. Do things out of love. Love is selfless, serving, sacrificing. “Love makes the world go round.” Love for and from others makes life worth living.
4. Serve others. All great leaders first and foremost sacrifice in service of others.
5. Invest my time in relationships. When I am on my deathbed, I don’t want to be holding onto bank statements or report cards. I want to be bathing in the care of my friends and family. Give people roses when they can still smell them.
6. Appreciate every day. “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why they call it the present.” Some people would give anything for just one more day to live, to walk, to breathe, to learn, to love.
7. Travel the world. The world is my playground. Why limit myself only to what I’ve seen when there’s a whole world waiting for me to discover it? Different cultures, peoples, and stories eagerly wait to crush my misconceptions, dissolve my stereotypes, and astound my mind.
8. Never stop learning. I am never too old or too wise to learn. My college professors introduce me to a limited field of knowledge but urge me to aim for the unending horizon of research.
9. Never be ashamed of my circumstances but instead take pride in how I respond to them. Life is like a poker game. We play the cards we are dealt. I hope to have the “strength to accept the things that I can't change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
10. Never forget to put myself in the shoes of others. "Lives that flash in sunshine, and lives that are born in tears, receive their hue from circumstances." I want to remember that people are not just people and their actions, but a consequence of years of social circumstances as well. Everyone carries at least one secret that would break hearts and if we all remembered that, this place would be a better place.
11. Have the strength to let go. Sometimes attachments are so deeply rooted that it hurts to let go, but the truth has to be accepted and put behind us.
12. Forgive. “If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.”
Sense of Physical Empowerment
This past week, I have been thinking about picking up lion dance and wushu again. Honestly, I stopped doing it because the longer and the more I practiced, the more it seemed too competitive and stressful. Also, lion dancing didn't seem to be fun anymore without the folks from high school. I wish I knew back then that it was the only time we would ever get to do that crazy shit together. Now I really regret the time wasted.
So the reason why I started thinking about it again is because recently I have been watching a series of kung fu and wushu fighting Chinese movies. haha. When I was watching it, I was reminiscing the times when Jared (my instructor) used to yell at us all the time for not taking the shit seriously. He was so strict and mean at times; but he was also like a big brother to us. I feel really bad because I think I disappointed him when I refused to help him with the lion dance performances. I really want to try it again and learn more about the Chinese culture.
Besides the reminiscing, the movies made me think about the sense of empowerment. The only reason why I even joined lion dance was because I wanted to prove that girls could do what boys could. And after learning it, I realized that it gave me a sense of power - not power over people, but power to protect myself and others. Not that I could really kick some ass or anything, but during those hardcore practices at Jared's backyard, I felt really strong and independent. Something I want to bring up is that I kept having nightmares last week about getting sexually harassed at school. That reminds me of the time that peeping tom was trying to take pictures of me while I was showering at the dorms last year. I swear that was incredibly traumatizing. And still today, I get nightmares and worry when I use public restrooms. I am very angry over the fact that men think they have that kind of power to do that shit to womyn. It makes me sick to hell that it happened to me and I couldn't do a single damn thing. I really felt powerless that time. I guess I just wish that I have the ability to protect myself... which is why I'm starting to see lion dance and wushu as a form of resistance and empowerment for me.
So the reason why I started thinking about it again is because recently I have been watching a series of kung fu and wushu fighting Chinese movies. haha. When I was watching it, I was reminiscing the times when Jared (my instructor) used to yell at us all the time for not taking the shit seriously. He was so strict and mean at times; but he was also like a big brother to us. I feel really bad because I think I disappointed him when I refused to help him with the lion dance performances. I really want to try it again and learn more about the Chinese culture.
Besides the reminiscing, the movies made me think about the sense of empowerment. The only reason why I even joined lion dance was because I wanted to prove that girls could do what boys could. And after learning it, I realized that it gave me a sense of power - not power over people, but power to protect myself and others. Not that I could really kick some ass or anything, but during those hardcore practices at Jared's backyard, I felt really strong and independent. Something I want to bring up is that I kept having nightmares last week about getting sexually harassed at school. That reminds me of the time that peeping tom was trying to take pictures of me while I was showering at the dorms last year. I swear that was incredibly traumatizing. And still today, I get nightmares and worry when I use public restrooms. I am very angry over the fact that men think they have that kind of power to do that shit to womyn. It makes me sick to hell that it happened to me and I couldn't do a single damn thing. I really felt powerless that time. I guess I just wish that I have the ability to protect myself... which is why I'm starting to see lion dance and wushu as a form of resistance and empowerment for me.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Question for you.....
why is it so surprising that there are womyn drummers out there? April and I were at a SHB and were approached by this very nice lady who complimented us on our playing. I was stoked and then she added "its so surprising to see female's playing drums." Although her kudos was well liked, it sorta bummed me out at the same thing.
I remember someone else finding it surprising that I played drums. He said he had never seen a female drummer before in a marching band. Wait....WHAT? Are you serious?
Why is it so surprising there are womyn who play drums? I didn't know there was a gender requirement for a musical instrument.
I look back at my time on the snareline at Cal where my gender was never an issue and wonder why these people are so shocked.
Then I remember my high school years.....and how I was fine with the boys (yes boys) on the line until I went from bass drum (lowest on our line auditionwise) to snare (highest audition wise). I was told girls should never be allowed to play anything higher on the line than a bass drum. I slip up at all while playing....and I would get verbally ripped apart. I remember also even trying to play around on a free day on our drum set and I got chased away saying since I was a girl I wasn't allowed to play it.
They tried their best to run me off the line.....I stayed throughout my high school years and ended up being a part of a line my senior year that loved each other regardless. Once the two sexist pigs were gone, everything was golden.
So.....I leave the readers with the original question....why is seeing a female drummer so surprising?
Why on earth would a boy feel so threatened by a womyn on the line that they feel the need to purge it to be male only?
In general......WTF???
I remember someone else finding it surprising that I played drums. He said he had never seen a female drummer before in a marching band. Wait....WHAT? Are you serious?
Why is it so surprising there are womyn who play drums? I didn't know there was a gender requirement for a musical instrument.
I look back at my time on the snareline at Cal where my gender was never an issue and wonder why these people are so shocked.
Then I remember my high school years.....and how I was fine with the boys (yes boys) on the line until I went from bass drum (lowest on our line auditionwise) to snare (highest audition wise). I was told girls should never be allowed to play anything higher on the line than a bass drum. I slip up at all while playing....and I would get verbally ripped apart. I remember also even trying to play around on a free day on our drum set and I got chased away saying since I was a girl I wasn't allowed to play it.
They tried their best to run me off the line.....I stayed throughout my high school years and ended up being a part of a line my senior year that loved each other regardless. Once the two sexist pigs were gone, everything was golden.
So.....I leave the readers with the original question....why is seeing a female drummer so surprising?
Why on earth would a boy feel so threatened by a womyn on the line that they feel the need to purge it to be male only?
In general......WTF???
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
9 Steps to Flirting Success
Since we are all womyn and we cant be part of society without a man I thought I would help us all out with how to be the perfect womyn and score the perfect man. This is what womyn are being told to do and I didn't want us to be left out of the game. :)
STEP 1: Learn the Art of Eye Contact
STEP 1: Learn the Art of Eye Contact
Don't shy away from staring him down, but do it the right way. Ease into it by practicing triangular gazing, where you look at one eye, then the other, then at their mouth. Strauss says practicing this for just a day will get you ready to start learning to interact with guys you’re attracted to.
Once you've locked eyes, keep looking: one study showed that it takes about thirteen glances before the average guy approaches a woman.
That's ok there's nothing wrong with a little eye contact, make sure you keep count of how many times some pervert stares you down before you throw yourself at him.
STEP 2: Practice Small Talk
Before you approach a guy you're into, make sure you've got the basics of small talk down. "Challenge yourself to go out and make small talk with five strangers today," advises Strauss. "Don’t worry about whether they’re people you want to date. Approach grandfathers, other women, someone who’s not your type, whomever you come across. It’ll help you adjust to stepping out of your comfort zone."
Don't bother trying to have meaningful conversations, men don't like a womyn who is smarter than them or can think.
Don't get too comfortable chatting away. There are some things to keep to yourself. Anything that shows you aren't perfect, such as your childhood or that you have had sexual relationships before.
STEP 3: Perfect Your Body Language
Want to get under his skin? "Get just a centimeter into a guy’s comfort zone, and look up at him with big eyes," says Strauss. The no-fail move? "Put your chest out, chin down, eyes high in the socket, head slightly tilted, and your weight on one foot. That’s important. If your feet are planted, they feel the resistance, just as much as they would if you had your arms crossed." Practice makes perfect--you might look like a cross-eyed chicken at first, but get it down right and it’ll make him crazy.
This is key in flirting, you can't be a strong independent womyn so make sure you stand off balanced and look helpless. Men go crazy for submissive sultress who doesn't blink. And if you aren't sure what having your eyes high in the socket means just think chihuahua. A good way to tell if you aren't trying hard enough is if he has his arms crossed or is standing sideways this probably means he can sense your empowerement and you might need to turn it down a notch or two.
STEP 5: Helplessness is hoT
When it comes to conversation starts, asking for his help or opinion is a sure thing, says Strauss. "Maybe it’s some article from a women’s magazine that offers some kind of advice and you want to know if he agrees with it or not. Or maybe it’s: "It’s my cousin’s birthday and I want to buy him a CD—but his taste hasn’t evolved since the 80's. Any suggestions?" Or maybe your friend just got a three-legged cat and you need a name for it."
You can even try mixing them all up together, for example you might say "Its my 8oth birthday and my 3 legged cat's taste in music is name evolved and I was wondering if you had any cousins?"
STEP 6: Lie
Within the first 60 seconds of your conversation, Strauss says, immediately mention that you have some kind of time constraint, whether or not you do.
Honesty is soooo last season. If you are free and cant think of anything to say just go with the old "I have an enema scheduled that day."
STEP 7: Neg Him
The trick when you’re flirting, Strauss says, is "figuring how to keep a balance between being engaging enough to retain someone’s attention and not seeming overly available." Tease him a little and call him out by saying something like, "Oh sure you do..."
Remember honesty doesn't get you a date-mind games ladies, mind games.
STEP 8: Lower Your Expectations
Flirt for the sake of flirting. "If you meet a really high-quality guy and you’re really attached to the idea of him being your boyfriend, that pressure—that neediness—is something he’ll sense," Strauss warns.
We all know womyn are the superior sex so set the bar way lower because no one likes high achievers anyway. If you're having a hard time with this just replace the word slacker with sexgod. Like "My new boyfriend is a TOTAL sexgod."
And finally...
STEP 9: Make It Fun—For You
Make it about you, not about him. "If it seems like you're trying too hard, whatever you're doing will come across as desperate," Strauss says. His advice? "Think: "I'm fun. I'm cool. I radiate charisma, I am free to do whatever the hell I want." The most important thing to remember while you’re doing all this flirting is to make it fun for yourself—because then it will be fun for the other person."
Don't feel weird about needing to reaffirm yourself in the mirror everyday before talking to people, low self-esteem can be masked.
Now you are all on your way to be a lean mean flirting machine. So go out there and get a man.
Once you've locked eyes, keep looking: one study showed that it takes about thirteen glances before the average guy approaches a woman.
That's ok there's nothing wrong with a little eye contact, make sure you keep count of how many times some pervert stares you down before you throw yourself at him.
STEP 2: Practice Small Talk
Before you approach a guy you're into, make sure you've got the basics of small talk down. "Challenge yourself to go out and make small talk with five strangers today," advises Strauss. "Don’t worry about whether they’re people you want to date. Approach grandfathers, other women, someone who’s not your type, whomever you come across. It’ll help you adjust to stepping out of your comfort zone."
Don't bother trying to have meaningful conversations, men don't like a womyn who is smarter than them or can think.
Don't get too comfortable chatting away. There are some things to keep to yourself. Anything that shows you aren't perfect, such as your childhood or that you have had sexual relationships before.
STEP 3: Perfect Your Body Language
Want to get under his skin? "Get just a centimeter into a guy’s comfort zone, and look up at him with big eyes," says Strauss. The no-fail move? "Put your chest out, chin down, eyes high in the socket, head slightly tilted, and your weight on one foot. That’s important. If your feet are planted, they feel the resistance, just as much as they would if you had your arms crossed." Practice makes perfect--you might look like a cross-eyed chicken at first, but get it down right and it’ll make him crazy.
This is key in flirting, you can't be a strong independent womyn so make sure you stand off balanced and look helpless. Men go crazy for submissive sultress who doesn't blink. And if you aren't sure what having your eyes high in the socket means just think chihuahua. A good way to tell if you aren't trying hard enough is if he has his arms crossed or is standing sideways this probably means he can sense your empowerement and you might need to turn it down a notch or two.
Flirting 101
STEP 4: Don't Think Before You Speak
Don’t think too long before you open your mouth--it'll come off unnatural and awkward. "People sense it when something sounds too pre-meditated; that makes them uncomfortable," Strauss says.
Don’t think too long before you open your mouth--it'll come off unnatural and awkward. "People sense it when something sounds too pre-meditated; that makes them uncomfortable," Strauss says.
And remember: Guys aren’t necessarily attracted to beauty, they are attracted to sexual possibility—although you never want to give off the impression that you’re easy.
When it comes to conversation starts, asking for his help or opinion is a sure thing, says Strauss. "Maybe it’s some article from a women’s magazine that offers some kind of advice and you want to know if he agrees with it or not. Or maybe it’s: "It’s my cousin’s birthday and I want to buy him a CD—but his taste hasn’t evolved since the 80's. Any suggestions?" Or maybe your friend just got a three-legged cat and you need a name for it."
You can even try mixing them all up together, for example you might say "Its my 8oth birthday and my 3 legged cat's taste in music is name evolved and I was wondering if you had any cousins?"
Within the first 60 seconds of your conversation, Strauss says, immediately mention that you have some kind of time constraint, whether or not you do.
Honesty is soooo last season. If you are free and cant think of anything to say just go with the old "I have an enema scheduled that day."
STEP 7: Neg Him
The trick when you’re flirting, Strauss says, is "figuring how to keep a balance between being engaging enough to retain someone’s attention and not seeming overly available." Tease him a little and call him out by saying something like, "Oh sure you do..."
Remember honesty doesn't get you a date-mind games ladies, mind games.
Flirt for the sake of flirting. "If you meet a really high-quality guy and you’re really attached to the idea of him being your boyfriend, that pressure—that neediness—is something he’ll sense," Strauss warns.
We all know womyn are the superior sex so set the bar way lower because no one likes high achievers anyway. If you're having a hard time with this just replace the word slacker with sexgod. Like "My new boyfriend is a TOTAL sexgod."
And finally...
Make it about you, not about him. "If it seems like you're trying too hard, whatever you're doing will come across as desperate," Strauss says. His advice? "Think: "I'm fun. I'm cool. I radiate charisma, I am free to do whatever the hell I want." The most important thing to remember while you’re doing all this flirting is to make it fun for yourself—because then it will be fun for the other person."
Don't feel weird about needing to reaffirm yourself in the mirror everyday before talking to people, low self-esteem can be masked.
Now you are all on your way to be a lean mean flirting machine. So go out there and get a man.
run sisters run
after graduation, i left with my family to yellowstone. cherrie moraga's words from graduation stayed with me. i spent my family vacation crying. when i cry a lot, i usually grab hold of one of my radical womyn of color writings and hug it. following an in-depth cuddling session with the text, i then open it, read it, and start to cry all over again. all the while, i'm listening to some cheesy song that is completely undeserving of such a moment.
there's something about hearing moraga speak that is familiar, affirming, yet so painful. i think of a pablo neruda poem (english translated):
"so I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache."
i know this is meant for a love interest, but i wait for you, the movement, the radical revolution, the critical dissent. i wait so anxiously for all of her words. when she finally begins to speak, i feel completely alone. every part of me aches with moraga's words. i know every word before her tongue gently lifts to the top of her mouth to articulate such, yet the words hit me over and over again. her speech, desperate and demanding, resonates like a final plea. sitting there, i feel her utter disappointment echoing back and forth from the end of the stadium seating to the stage.
all three times i have heard her speak this semester have reminded me of how easily folks will overlook the words of our elders. she speaks to every part of our community, yet people don't really hear her. i see students on our campus disregarding her words. students squash critical dissent and questioning in our communities and organizations, rendering her words meaningless. she is much more than irrelevant rambling.
sitting in the second row on stage, i see her words flying over the audience, floating atop the people we love. moraga is getting older, and the process of realizing that positions me in a state of depressed insomnia. our muxeres are dying, have died already (june jordan, gloria anzaldua), or have been displaced (assata shakur), and we can no longer wait to make our move.
during my first year of community college, one of my mentors told me: "we are tired. we have been running this race for so long. we are coming in, batons in hand, with our arms out towards you. it is now your time. you must grab the baton and run."
so sisters, we must run.
"Remember the time when you ran free in the wild. In order to find liberation, you must liberate yourselves, because you don't liberate others. You come to this consciousness and you say, 'Fuck.' That's how you reach freedom." - richard aoki
there's something about hearing moraga speak that is familiar, affirming, yet so painful. i think of a pablo neruda poem (english translated):
"so I wait for you like a lonely house
till you will see me again and live in me.
Till then my windows ache."
i know this is meant for a love interest, but i wait for you, the movement, the radical revolution, the critical dissent. i wait so anxiously for all of her words. when she finally begins to speak, i feel completely alone. every part of me aches with moraga's words. i know every word before her tongue gently lifts to the top of her mouth to articulate such, yet the words hit me over and over again. her speech, desperate and demanding, resonates like a final plea. sitting there, i feel her utter disappointment echoing back and forth from the end of the stadium seating to the stage.
all three times i have heard her speak this semester have reminded me of how easily folks will overlook the words of our elders. she speaks to every part of our community, yet people don't really hear her. i see students on our campus disregarding her words. students squash critical dissent and questioning in our communities and organizations, rendering her words meaningless. she is much more than irrelevant rambling.
sitting in the second row on stage, i see her words flying over the audience, floating atop the people we love. moraga is getting older, and the process of realizing that positions me in a state of depressed insomnia. our muxeres are dying, have died already (june jordan, gloria anzaldua), or have been displaced (assata shakur), and we can no longer wait to make our move.
during my first year of community college, one of my mentors told me: "we are tired. we have been running this race for so long. we are coming in, batons in hand, with our arms out towards you. it is now your time. you must grab the baton and run."
so sisters, we must run.
"Remember the time when you ran free in the wild. In order to find liberation, you must liberate yourselves, because you don't liberate others. You come to this consciousness and you say, 'Fuck.' That's how you reach freedom." - richard aoki
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