The background story is I was dating this guy for a year, and in my naïveté, I thought he loved me, was good to me and all that... anyway, we went our separate ways eventually. Three years after we dated, he told me that while we were together, he cheated on me three times with two different girls. It's irrational, but all men were suddenly the bad guy in my eyes, even the guy I had then been dating for two years. This is what I wrote.
July 20, 2006
What is most uncomfortable is the giant wedge that was forced into place within my history's path. What never was now is, and I am forced to rearrange my future.
No, I did not kill him. He killed me. I felt his knife, now shy of three years, in my hastened "I love you" to my sweeterheart. I murmured these words in hopes that this past that never was that now is would turn into never again.
Three nights, two targets, one goal. His hand no longer touches me, but his blade extends in its reach; dost this black knight travel alone, or is it more likely that they are all the same?
I watch him gallop away into the night, lonely, but victorious. I am left bleeding, without anger, spite, or speech and left alone with shame.
This dreadful wedge, this stitch in time that pains my side, offers itself as a pitiful building block for my trust which has fallen and I am forced to make do as women do as I watch the coward that broke away break away and break away.
I liked that April. That was artsy writing.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to not make comments like "all boys are jerks" and such and generalizing to all men from one bad experience, but sometimes doing that is easier so you don't get your hopes up.
all boys are jerks!
ReplyDeleteokay. fine. they're not. but most of them are. :P