i wrote this during last night's bridges staff deliberations
This is my last bridges meeting. I’m struggling to find a point of departure. I keep asking myself the same question. How can I leave Berkeley feeling empowered by my experiences here? It is at these moments, in deliberations, when I see with complete 20/20 the ways in which I have failed the coalition. I didn’t invest enough of my time into developing other folks, though I tried in many different ways to do this. I guess, I just didn’t believe deeply enough that I had the capacity to do that work. I always talk about this quote about how it doesn’t matter if I die, that all that matters is that someone picks up the gun and continues shooting. I think a lot about that, how insignificant I am and how the importance of my work is just that it continues to live on in my absence.
For those folks who are stepping up as I step back and away from our bridges space, I feel empowered with their energy and spirit, yet saddened by the road ahead of them. The work will never be easy, but I don't want pieces of them to die for this work. I wish for them that they are able to embed their life stories into this work, to be able to present themselves completely and honestly to the coalition, and to organize in a way that is meaningful.
I know that not all my questions will ever be answered, but with time, I hope to resolve and reconcile some of the questions and struggles I have had over the last year.
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i told my mentor last year that i hated organizing in berkeley and wanted to leave. she said, "campus organizing is hard. you either like it, or hate it. you could try your best to graduate early and leave, or struggle to make the best out of it, and learn from the mistakes here to prepare for better organizing in the future."
ReplyDeletei know you have made the best out of it. and you have developed leaders in ways you might not know. i have faith in all of us. really. :) let's just have fun because it's gonna be a long long fuckin journey. <3
Vcoe :)
ReplyDeleteI love you. You have done tremendous amounts for this campus. I know I can't eradicate the feelings you are having as you begin your journey away from Berkeley, I can tell you, again, you have made an enormous impact on me and my activism. I will always have a place for you in my heart, as you have inspired my resistance and encouraged my voice.
remember the smaller impacts you have on people, those are important too <3