It angers me immeasurably how pervasive patriarchy is; how western thought and "traditional relationship" ideology is ingrained in me.
Ive spent years trying to decolonize, viewing people who maintained female=submissive, male=aggressor gender roles with condescension. Ive gone to therapy, and I would never admit openly how thoroughly Ive lost my shit over a man before...at least not without it being amusing. Ive critically analyzed my dependency, I know have "daddy" abandonment issues, but the first step to overcoming is acceptance. But when I think about how easily the feminist mindframe can be derailed, how quickly one can just give up the struggle, I get pissed. It boils down to this....I AM TIRED.
My first year of college, the beginning of my adult life, I was stalked and raped. The second I spent in an abusive relationship. The third I almost died. The fourth I dropped out from and the fifth I graduated (barely) after that allergy incident with one less degree than Id worked for. Now I have a degree that I may as well wipe my ass with (at least then it would serve some purpose lol). Yes I am tired, to say the least. Tired and under-appreciated and as much as it pains me to say, I want to marry some well-paid man, take care of him so he can take care of me, pop out some brats, and spend a few years comfortably keeping house. Then when Im ready to go back to school that financially well-endowed man can foot the bill...and I will never have another vexing concern regarding money, what Im going to eat, wear, where I will live, or what I will do.Yes the homemaker life is for me right now....the only problem is finding a 6-figure husband....Im 23 and for some reason I cant stop feeling 40. Its causing anxiety.
I was going to be a famous paleontologist, I may yet still. I am going to teach in the fall making an impact in the lives of underprivileged girls. I occasionally consider law school, or still trying to do stand up comedy. I want to experience life to its fullest before I die. I know I am strong for all the things I have overcome, and having had the support of so many other amazing womyn has helped me to keep it together throughout the years. But currently I dont feel very empowered. Yesterday I started cracking the fuck up laughing when I was asked, "Whats good about your life?" My response was "At least I gots two feets...and they work too!" When I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, my first thought is, "Well, fuck it!" I just want to wash a dish, and do some laundry, prepare dinner and be taken care of...tell me that isnt as wrong as it sounds?
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hey sasha! havent seen you in a long ass time, but i just wanted to say that it isn't wrong to have those ideas or feel like you wanna be a housewife. feminism isn't about alienating women who wanna stay at home, or bashing on people who take care of their family. to me, feminism is about allowing people to choose, to have options in life, etc. Cuz my mama has been a housewife for years, and i respect her like crazy. She takes pride in what shes done, and that isn't against feminism.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think your "fuck it, i just wanna wash dishes and do laundry, and be taken cared of" comes from a place of you feelin tired and unsupported. It's crazy, but a lot of times feminism gets mistaken to be just being "independent" and doing things on your own... when that's not the whole case. Finding love and someone who cares for you does not conflict with feminism or make you less "independent." A strong woman can take care of her shit and be fine, but no one wants to fuckin be alone and have no one to turn to when there are difficult times. Wanting to be taken cared of and pampered doesn't make you anti-feminist. but I don't think you necessarily have to literally wash dishes and do chores for the exchange of it... only if you want to. haha. I don't know if I'm making any sense, but I hella feel you. And you don't needa feel like you are wrong for having those thoughts.
Hi! I randomly found this while googling, so I thought I'd comment.
ReplyDeleteWhat you've been through is gruelling, and the fact that you've survived is an amazing testament to your strength. You shouldn't feel bad because you want to be a housewife - feminism is about women being free to do whatever the hell they want, and if you want to be a housewife and cook and clean then good for you! (I feel that way frequently myself.)
And I would say that, even though you don't feel it, you seem very empowered to me. You've managed to survive some of the worst things life can throw at you, and if that's not empowered I don't know what is.
Just stick with it - you're strong and you seem awesome just from this post, so I'm sure you'll achieve whatever you want to.
And if you just want to settle down and have a happy family life, go for it. You deserve a happy life and a rest (not that being a housewife isn't hard work sometimes, God knows if my mum taught me anything it's that! But you know what I mean!).
:D
~Lili
PS: sorry for being creepy, but I just think you're awesome for this post.
I think that often times, people misconstrue what it means to support feminism. Some people think that women can become happy by assuming the traditional roles that men play, such as becoming president, being a president of a big company, etc. But in reality, what really is feminism?Feminism is giving women the power to choose what they want to do, and choose what will make them happy.
ReplyDeleteWhat's awesome about being a woman in this time period is that we have a flexibility to do whatever we want to in society and not have to worry about social stigma. The women's suffrage heroes and other prominent historical women figures have paved the way for all women to get corporate positions or any other traditionally male dominant jobs. But at the same time, if you want to be a housewife, go ahead and do it! If it makes you happy, then go and make yourself happy!
What's the point with aligning with feministic ideals when it steers you away from doing something that you want to do, like be a house wife? Feminism should be redefined to be women supporting women for what they want to do and what will make them happy.
Do what will make you happy, don't worry about what the world thinks :)