bridges

i wrote this during last night's bridges staff deliberations

This is my last bridges meeting. I’m struggling to find a point of departure. I keep asking myself the same question. How can I leave Berkeley feeling empowered by my experiences here? It is at these moments, in deliberations, when I see with complete 20/20 the ways in which I have failed the coalition. I didn’t invest enough of my time into developing other folks, though I tried in many different ways to do this. I guess, I just didn’t believe deeply enough that I had the capacity to do that work. I always talk about this quote about how it doesn’t matter if I die, that all that matters is that someone picks up the gun and continues shooting. I think a lot about that, how insignificant I am and how the importance of my work is just that it continues to live on in my absence.

For those folks who are stepping up as I step back and away from our bridges space, I feel empowered with their energy and spirit, yet saddened by the road ahead of them. The work will never be easy, but I don't want pieces of them to die for this work. I wish for them that they are able to embed their life stories into this work, to be able to present themselves completely and honestly to the coalition, and to organize in a way that is meaningful.

I know that not all my questions will ever be answered, but with time, I hope to resolve and reconcile some of the questions and struggles I have had over the last year.