empowerment through spoken word

At last night's sister meeting, Tracy suggested a spoken word/poem/writing exercise to have us check in with ourselves on how we've been feeling lately, whether in regard to the hateful, homophobic, racist acts going on across the UC system or just in our personal lives.

Here are some of the poems we would like to share with you.

[I feel numb
maybe it's the antidepressants
maybe it's my
sometime identity as a
rat in a wheel
or someone banging my
head against a wall
called graduation. And "getting it together."
or the fact that I am
dating someone that seems
totally ambivalent to my presence.
whatever the reason
there is disconnection
I do not feel
as deeply as I have felt
going through the motions
sometimes it's just
like I refer back to emotions
I once had.
Because the world is still fucked up
people keep dehumanizing another
and the planet is still fighting for its life.
My skin is thicker
but what am I shutting out?
and shutting in? I can't delay reality or schedule experiences.
I want the old me back.
-Elise]

[anger.

yup.

that's what i was when i heard about it.

a bullet to the heart.

hmmmmmmm.

ughhhhhhhh.

these motherfuckers!!!!!

what do you mean this is just one incident?!?!?!

black people complain too much?!?!?!?!

'colored people' are ungrateful?!?!?!

racism doesn't exist?!?!?!

really?

reallllyyyy?

reallllyyyyyyyyyy?

you know what?

you. you go educate yourself.

wait, i take that back.

let me school you.

you see all that white privilege you got on?

you know what? nevermind. you won't understand.

because you're just like fish swimming everyday not even thinking twice about that water keeping you alive.

you know what that water keep you alive is huh, fish?

that's ME.

i'm that mothafuckin' water.

MY people.

OUR communities.

you are NOTHING without me.

nothing without my community!

nothing without people of color!

ha
-Amaris]

[“Why am I compelled to write?... Because the world I create in the writing compensates for what the real world does not give me. By writing I put order in the world, give it a handle so I can grasp it. I write because life does not appease my appetites and anger... To become more intimate with myself and you. To discover myself, to preserve myself, to make myself, to achieve self-autonomy. To dispell the myths that I am a mad prophet or a poor suffering soul. To convince myself that I am worthy and that what I have to say is not a pile of shit... Finally I write because I'm scared of writing, but I'm more scared of not writing.”

-Gloria Anzaldua

you are all my safe place.

my borderland.

-Tracy]

["Our work takes a lot of programming and organizing. And it's not just enough to program. You need money to program, but you gotta have heart to organize. And I've never seen more heart."
-Nhi Tran

I've never agreed more to a statement - that you've really gotta have a lot of heart and dedication to be truly into the work that you do. I've realized that Nhi's statement added so much weight into my list of reasons for doing what I do - for the heart, but also for the people with those hearts.
-Kim]

[What does it mean to be a nigger
to be imported from a far away land?
With shackles and chains?

or what does it mean to spell it n***er?
does it take away the sting? hide it?
remove the sting from a hard history? or obscure it altogether

it's not a word i'm uncomfortable with, nigger
but then again i'm not uncomfortable with my history
the ancestors transported on ships or the ones who sold them off to such a hellacious journey

a journey past the point of no return
that's where they took them, took us
and now i'm here, at an unknown destination

still
as someone spews hate speech
niggers, nooses, and picnics
to them... that's all it is
funny, comical, satirical

but how can you satire a history, a story
that you don't even know, have forgotten
or just don't understand

how can i simply be your nigger
how can you hate me that much
that you'd ever think that hanging me from a tree
would ever be funny or satirical
how can i be simply your nigger
-Lajuanda]

[Lately I have been stretched thin
A rubber band between taut fingers
Ready to fly loose
Yet weighed down at one end by
Obligations
To a family who says they love me
But who speak with shame when their friends ask what I am studying
To a boy
Who can touch me and hold me and kiss me
But can't bothered to call once a day
To a university
Which I entered two years ago
Eager
Determined
Passionate
Some of that passion remains still
But now I am more
Disillusioned
Frustrated
Angry
And all over California, in institutions of public education
I feel a tension ready to explode
Fueled by
Unprecedented tuition hikes and a privatization of knowledge
We have seen this tension already
In the form of
Swastikas and Ku Klux Klan hats and vandalism
Today as we march forth
We hope to turn this tension
Into demands for change
Transparency
Equity
We hope it will be enough
But the world is stretched thin
A rubber band between taut fingers
Soon it will snap
And madness will burst forth
As our educational system falls apart
So tell me, who will be left standing
To pick up the pieces?
-Carmen]

[Silence
I see tears of my sisters
I hear the breaths of their sobs
I read painful words and feel like
an open wound that hasn't healed...

I see racism, sexism, homophobia
I feel disempowered, targeted and scared
I don't feel safe... anywhere

but today was a good day
I usually see the glass half empty or not there at all
the world as a bad place and people
as evil creatures I want to destroy...
but today the sun was shining
today the tears did not flow
today I saw hope in solidarity
something I thought I'd never know

I speak from privilege, pain, and experience
I understand my experience is not yours
but I know I love you, you love me
and what better foundation for a new world
-Jessica]

It was an emotional night, but thank you for sharing, sisters. If you can't speak about an experience, can't take the poison from the memory, then we can't start healing. And that is why I'm grateful for this space.
-C