It angers me immeasurably how pervasive patriarchy is; how western thought and "traditional relationship" ideology is ingrained in me.
Ive spent years trying to decolonize, viewing people who maintained female=submissive, male=aggressor gender roles with condescension. Ive gone to therapy, and I would never admit openly how thoroughly Ive lost my shit over a man before...at least not without it being amusing. Ive critically analyzed my dependency, I know have "daddy" abandonment issues, but the first step to overcoming is acceptance. But when I think about how easily the feminist mindframe can be derailed, how quickly one can just give up the struggle, I get pissed. It boils down to this....I AM TIRED.
My first year of college, the beginning of my adult life, I was stalked and raped. The second I spent in an abusive relationship. The third I almost died. The fourth I dropped out from and the fifth I graduated (barely) after that allergy incident with one less degree than Id worked for. Now I have a degree that I may as well wipe my ass with (at least then it would serve some purpose lol). Yes I am tired, to say the least. Tired and under-appreciated and as much as it pains me to say, I want to marry some well-paid man, take care of him so he can take care of me, pop out some brats, and spend a few years comfortably keeping house. Then when Im ready to go back to school that financially well-endowed man can foot the bill...and I will never have another vexing concern regarding money, what Im going to eat, wear, where I will live, or what I will do.Yes the homemaker life is for me right now....the only problem is finding a 6-figure husband....Im 23 and for some reason I cant stop feeling 40. Its causing anxiety.
I was going to be a famous paleontologist, I may yet still. I am going to teach in the fall making an impact in the lives of underprivileged girls. I occasionally consider law school, or still trying to do stand up comedy. I want to experience life to its fullest before I die. I know I am strong for all the things I have overcome, and having had the support of so many other amazing womyn has helped me to keep it together throughout the years. But currently I dont feel very empowered. Yesterday I started cracking the fuck up laughing when I was asked, "Whats good about your life?" My response was "At least I gots two feets...and they work too!" When I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, my first thought is, "Well, fuck it!" I just want to wash a dish, and do some laundry, prepare dinner and be taken care of...tell me that isnt as wrong as it sounds?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Without Passion...
“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.”
What does "No" mean?
(Disclaimer: I'm gonna use guy and girl because that was my experience, but you can fill in with whatever sex or gender you choose)
Girl says: No
[Guy makes move or asks again.] (WTF?)
When a girl says "No," what does that mean?
A) Not now, but please try again later.
B) I'm playing hard-to-get.
C) I want you to work for it and show me how much you want it.
D) Yes.
E) No.
When I say no, I mean no. If I meant yes, I would have said yes. If I meant maybe later, I would have said later.
Someone at a workshop once said that "when a guy says no, it means no, but when a girl says no, it is up for negotiation." The sad thing is that's true.Why is that?
Guys' Perspective (I've been talking to some guys about their opinion on making a move or asking again even after the girl says no)
- They think girls are playing hard-to-get and will only say no to not look too easy.
- They have been socialized to be persistent or else they think they won't get any girls if they're not
Girls' Perspective (or at least my perspective)
- "No" means no.
- "Yes" or action move means yes.
- When someone misinterprets the word, "no," to mean yes, I feel disrespected...like you didn't hear what I just CLEARLY articulated for you. You asked me a question and I answered. It might not be the answer you want, but it IS the answer.
Any thoughts on this scenario?
The Art of Perseverance
Quotes:
"If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average." M.H. Alderson
"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, 'press on' has solved, and always will solve, the problems of the human race."
Calvin Coolidge
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill
"If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked down seventy times and get up off the floor saying. "Here comes number seventy-one!" Richard M. Devos
"For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again." [Proverbs 24:16] Bible
". . . The race is not [always] to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. . ." [Ecclesiastes 9:11] Bible
"It is a shameful thing for the soul to faint while the body still perseveres."
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
"One of the commonest mistakes and one of the costliest is thinking that success is due to some genius, some magic - something or other which we do not possess. Success is generally due to holding on, and failure to letting go. You decide to learn a language, study music, take a course of reading, train yourself physically. Will it be success or failure? It depends upon how much pluck and perseverance that word "decide" contains. The decision that nothing can overrule, the grip that nothing can detach will bring success. Remember the Chinese proverb, "With time and patience, the mulberry leaf becomes satin." Maltbie Davenport Babcock
"Pay as little attention to discouragement as possible. Plough ahead as a steamer does, rough or smooth - rain or shine. To carry your cargo and make your port is the point. "
Maltbie Davenport Babcock
"A man of sense is never discouraged by difficulties; he redoubles his industry and his diligence, he perseveres, and infallibly prevails at last." Lord Chesterfield
"Before success comes in any man's life he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps, some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do."Napoleon Hill
"No man is ever whipped, until he quits -- in his own mind." Napoleon Hill
"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." Walter Elliott
"If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average." M.H. Alderson
"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan, 'press on' has solved, and always will solve, the problems of the human race."
Calvin Coolidge
"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill
"If I had to select one quality, one personal characteristic that I regard as being most highly correlated with success, whatever the field, I would pick the trait of persistence. Determination. The will to endure to the end, to get knocked down seventy times and get up off the floor saying. "Here comes number seventy-one!" Richard M. Devos
"For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again." [Proverbs 24:16] Bible
". . . The race is not [always] to the swift, nor the battle to the strong. . ." [Ecclesiastes 9:11] Bible
"It is a shameful thing for the soul to faint while the body still perseveres."
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
"One of the commonest mistakes and one of the costliest is thinking that success is due to some genius, some magic - something or other which we do not possess. Success is generally due to holding on, and failure to letting go. You decide to learn a language, study music, take a course of reading, train yourself physically. Will it be success or failure? It depends upon how much pluck and perseverance that word "decide" contains. The decision that nothing can overrule, the grip that nothing can detach will bring success. Remember the Chinese proverb, "With time and patience, the mulberry leaf becomes satin." Maltbie Davenport Babcock
"Pay as little attention to discouragement as possible. Plough ahead as a steamer does, rough or smooth - rain or shine. To carry your cargo and make your port is the point. "
Maltbie Davenport Babcock
"A man of sense is never discouraged by difficulties; he redoubles his industry and his diligence, he perseveres, and infallibly prevails at last." Lord Chesterfield
"Before success comes in any man's life he is sure to meet with much temporary defeat and, perhaps, some failures. When defeat overtakes a man, the easiest and most logical thing to do is to quit. That is exactly what the majority of men do."Napoleon Hill
"No man is ever whipped, until he quits -- in his own mind." Napoleon Hill
"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." Walter Elliott
Friday, February 18, 2011
Has anyone else clicked on "next blog" after reading ours?
All the supposedly "related" blogs are about motherhood and shit. I hope blogger's algorythm doesn't equate womyn with mother. Things that make you go hmmmmmm?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
I was doing an interview once and the guy said, you must be psyched by all this Slumdog Millionaire stuff. And I was like, umm… Yeah! I am! I have no idea why, though, as I had NOTHING to do with that movie! It’s just that some people who kinda look like me are in it, and everyone loved it and it won some Oscars and stuff. And then I was like, whoa whoa whoa – are white people just psyched ALL THE TIME? It’s like, Back to the Future – that’s us! Godfather – that’s us! Jaws – that’s us! Every fucking movie BUT Slumdog Millionaire and Boyz n the Hood is us!”
| — | Aziz Ansari (via morebusinessjuiceplease) |
Friday, February 11, 2011
vagina {m}aganda logs
i read this during maganda's open mic: "i love you... not"
it's a satirical tribute to vagina monologues.
no offense to everyone who is a vagina warrior.
Note: I am in fem sex. I am 1 out of 2 asian womyn. In a class of 20.
my vagina is not white
my vagina does live in a
3 story house w/ 5 mercedes benz/ a swimming pool/ jacuzzi/ and RV trailer
w/in a gated community.
my vagina was born and raised in
gov't assisted diapers
hand me down underwears
and discounted feminine pads
my vagina excrete juices
w/ the after taste of vietnamese dinner
pho/ bun bo hue/ spring rolls and fish sauce
not... pineapple juice
my vagina does not thrust to
hannah montana
carrie underwood
or kelley clarkson
it dances to soulful beats of
USHER
trey songz
and beyonce
my vagina is not a "cunt"
it is not something i need to
chant over and over again to feel empowered.
my vagina does not receive top notch private health care
it visits
the free clinic
planned parenthood
and because the university makes me.. I go to tang center.
my vagina does not need to be put on a pedastole
to be looked at
admired
and be replicated through
playdoh
construction paper
or acrylic paint
my vagina represents my mother
being able to escape across the mekong river
rejecting Thai pirates from violating HER vagina
resettling here in America
able to conceive me so that i am here today
vagina
in tact.
my vagina is not a product
of a first wave, white privileged feminism
it is a product of a third world struggle
perseverance and fight
it does not FUCK
white heterosexual penis
it makes love to a beautiful pilipina woman
my vagina is not white
it is not a pretty sorority girl
dressed in a short ass skirt
bout to tease a horny lil frat boy
my vagina is not white
it does not receive play boy coverage
hidden under a hyperlink labeled " asian fettish"
my vagina is not white.
-hellafly
it's a satirical tribute to vagina monologues.
no offense to everyone who is a vagina warrior.
Note: I am in fem sex. I am 1 out of 2 asian womyn. In a class of 20.
my vagina is not white
my vagina does live in a
3 story house w/ 5 mercedes benz/ a swimming pool/ jacuzzi/ and RV trailer
w/in a gated community.
my vagina was born and raised in
gov't assisted diapers
hand me down underwears
and discounted feminine pads
my vagina excrete juices
w/ the after taste of vietnamese dinner
pho/ bun bo hue/ spring rolls and fish sauce
not... pineapple juice
my vagina does not thrust to
hannah montana
carrie underwood
or kelley clarkson
it dances to soulful beats of
USHER
trey songz
and beyonce
my vagina is not a "cunt"
it is not something i need to
chant over and over again to feel empowered.
my vagina does not receive top notch private health care
it visits
the free clinic
planned parenthood
and because the university makes me.. I go to tang center.
my vagina does not need to be put on a pedastole
to be looked at
admired
and be replicated through
playdoh
construction paper
or acrylic paint
my vagina represents my mother
being able to escape across the mekong river
rejecting Thai pirates from violating HER vagina
resettling here in America
able to conceive me so that i am here today
vagina
in tact.
my vagina is not a product
of a first wave, white privileged feminism
it is a product of a third world struggle
perseverance and fight
it does not FUCK
white heterosexual penis
it makes love to a beautiful pilipina woman
my vagina is not white
it is not a pretty sorority girl
dressed in a short ass skirt
bout to tease a horny lil frat boy
my vagina is not white
it does not receive play boy coverage
hidden under a hyperlink labeled " asian fettish"
my vagina is not white.
-hellafly
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
A poem for finals
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdriver s, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her
family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
Maya Angelou
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
a set of screwdriver s, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her
family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
Maya Angelou
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Being a "Feminist"
Can't copy and paste the text, so just click on the link to one of my friend's blogs (who is showing another blog): http://jayduhhh.tumblr.com/post/2141810745?ref=nf
Monday, December 6, 2010
The Woman Dear to Herself (Azizatu Nafsiha)
Just a poem I thought I'd share with all my beautiful sisters, old and new....welcome Kappas!
The woman dear to herself lives in the heart,
alive to the everywhere presence of divinity
The woman dear to herself does not lose herself
in the presence of man,
woman, or child
The woman dear to herself loves
for another what she loves for herself,
and loves for herself,
neither in conquest nor in surrender
In love she remains whole
She doesn't chop herself like an onion
She doesn't peel herself and sweep away the dry peelings
The woman dear to herself, when she has her period
says "I have my period,"
understanding that her powers are not a curse
She knows the geography of her body
and how to give good directions home
to those whom she selects for company
The woman dear to herself gives herself breast exams and running shoes
and eats well and washes her face in the river
and cherishes the beauty in other women as in her self
She wears dignity like a mantle
It swings lightly from her shoulders when she moves
The woman dear to herself, when come the spring rains
-O meeting with the beloved!-
knows where to find the first stalks of green
So that when the rivulets stream and stream
over brown muds, crocuses will open oval buds and hyacinths
will triumph flush and pink tiny flower after tiny flower and
jonquils
everywhere
delight
the woman dear to herself,
she who lives
in the heart
of every man,
woman, and child
Mohja Kahf
The woman dear to herself lives in the heart,
alive to the everywhere presence of divinity
The woman dear to herself does not lose herself
in the presence of man,
woman, or child
The woman dear to herself loves
for another what she loves for herself,
and loves for herself,
neither in conquest nor in surrender
In love she remains whole
She doesn't chop herself like an onion
She doesn't peel herself and sweep away the dry peelings
The woman dear to herself, when she has her period
says "I have my period,"
understanding that her powers are not a curse
She knows the geography of her body
and how to give good directions home
to those whom she selects for company
The woman dear to herself gives herself breast exams and running shoes
and eats well and washes her face in the river
and cherishes the beauty in other women as in her self
She wears dignity like a mantle
It swings lightly from her shoulders when she moves
The woman dear to herself, when come the spring rains
-O meeting with the beloved!-
knows where to find the first stalks of green
So that when the rivulets stream and stream
over brown muds, crocuses will open oval buds and hyacinths
will triumph flush and pink tiny flower after tiny flower and
jonquils
everywhere
delight
the woman dear to herself,
she who lives
in the heart
of every man,
woman, and child
Mohja Kahf
Monday, November 15, 2010
Home School
My paper is due at 5pm. I have like....1 page written. Oh well. I've already decided for myself that I'll turn it in late tomorrow. I just don't feel like doing it. What is this feeling?! Senioritis, my young friends.
Anyway, I was talking to Erika during breakfast this morning at Denny's:
Me: What iffff a group of community activists got together to home school all their kids?!
They would get the social interaction with the other kids, for one. And two, they wouldn't have to deal with the BULL SHIT that is known as "public education." We'd finally be able to provide our kiddos with a decolonial framework that is absent in classrooms. Imagine that! Am I being ridiculous? I dunno.. I feel like the education system (especially CA) is going down into the shits, not to mention the fucking 28% increase in tuition that is again being proposed for UCs (am I up to date on these numbers? But i mean, whatever it is... people shouldn't have to spend half their lives on an education that they most likely won't even use.) Neither should students have to act like starving artists for four years.
And private school costs way too much as well...
But does this sound a bit like a resistance army? LOL pretty much.. I'd just be happier knowing that i don't have to waste time reeducating my kids with the social consciousness that i've developed far later in my childhood (or end of).
Of course such ideas are hindered by our ability to find ourselves in economically/socially stable situations. Who actuallly has time to educate their kids and make a living at the same time? Perhaps the home school parents can rotate their teaching schedules ;) I can see workshop Mondays and Tuesday biking and womyn wednesdays and thrifty thurdays...
Just a seed I though I'd plant...
(I'm imagining a PNX academy. Instead of pledging allegiance to the flag.. we'll recite the PNX vision. LOL)
Oh yeah. And all of this came into my head because I just hate writing these papers. Sure, learning about the media in today's society is great. I just don't need people to grade my opinions and label my capabilities with a letter. Plus, the language of academic text is over my head. I don't fucking care with digimodernism is. Just call it the evolution of social media, and i'm good.
# sodonewithschool.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
being pretty
You Don’t Have to Be Pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked “female.”
-fuckyeahfatpositive.tumblr.com
-fuckyeahfatpositive
Saturday, October 9, 2010
wear purple on oct 20th
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101008/ap_on_re_us/us_bullying_one_town
In light of recent "bullicides" by teens, it is especially disheartening that the following scene played out while I was SMing...
Resident - I'm gonna sign her in. Actually, she's going to sign herself in. I'm not capable of scribing today.
Friend ("she") - *starts writing on visitor sheet*
Resident - *reading over her shoulder* What did you just write? How rude. What, are you like three years old?
After they walked away from the booth and stood waiting for the elevator, I pulled the sign-in sheet toward me to initial it. It read:
Resident's name: Fag Porter [first name]
Visitor's name: Emily da bomb [last name]
*Full names not provided just in case there's some kind of privacy issue I have to comply with.*
I sat here in my chair, disappointed people could throw around these hurtful labels lightly. The two individuals were still in the lobby, so I leaned over the counter and said, "Can we make an effort to not use these kinds of names, please?"
I was more polite than the situation called for, but perhaps the girl had enough of a heart to feel embarrassed by her actions because she just said, "Ok" while the resident smirked at her.
--
Community organizing has taught me to "meet people where they are," but sometimes I do not have enough time or patience to wait for them to catch up.
In light of recent "bullicides" by teens, it is especially disheartening that the following scene played out while I was SMing...
Resident - I'm gonna sign her in. Actually, she's going to sign herself in. I'm not capable of scribing today.
Friend ("she") - *starts writing on visitor sheet*
Resident - *reading over her shoulder* What did you just write? How rude. What, are you like three years old?
After they walked away from the booth and stood waiting for the elevator, I pulled the sign-in sheet toward me to initial it. It read:
Resident's name: Fag Porter [first name]
Visitor's name: Emily da bomb [last name]
*Full names not provided just in case there's some kind of privacy issue I have to comply with.*
I sat here in my chair, disappointed people could throw around these hurtful labels lightly. The two individuals were still in the lobby, so I leaned over the counter and said, "Can we make an effort to not use these kinds of names, please?"
I was more polite than the situation called for, but perhaps the girl had enough of a heart to feel embarrassed by her actions because she just said, "Ok" while the resident smirked at her.
--
Community organizing has taught me to "meet people where they are," but sometimes I do not have enough time or patience to wait for them to catch up.
Friday, September 24, 2010
I don't ever want a job
Wading through the sand,
each grain, I sift by hand,
while burning sun
and frigid wind
bear down upon
the battered soul within.
For lengthened hours,
and tortured, fruitless nights,
too I have wondered,
the difference
between wrongs and rights.
To want it
is to gorge myself.
To deny it
is to cry for help.
And yet I lie
in thickening abyss
a month gone by
what life is this?
each grain, I sift by hand,
while burning sun
and frigid wind
bear down upon
the battered soul within.
For lengthened hours,
and tortured, fruitless nights,
too I have wondered,
the difference
between wrongs and rights.
To want it
is to gorge myself.
To deny it
is to cry for help.
And yet I lie
in thickening abyss
a month gone by
what life is this?
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
where does it stop?
http://www.edgeboston.com/index.php?ch=news&sc&sc2=news&sc3&id=108755
On a day that civil rights and equality earned a victory as Prop 8 was overturned in California, it is sickening that such an act of intolerance could take place in the United States.
The victim was just a baby. He was only 17 months old, for crying out loud. Nothing could have justified physically hurting someone that young, much less violence that took his life. Pedro Jones, who was entrusted with care of the baby, said he beat the child to "make him act like a boy instead of a little girl." Although Jones did not specify what exactly that behavior entailed, it is heartbreaking that "effeminate" traits are considered so inferior that a baby had to die for America's protection of hypermasculinity.
Someone's comment on Facebook:
"fuck this foo
and the kids stupid momma, she should know not to trust your kids to someone that is not their daddy, DUMB BITCH"
This statement does not help anyone. Blaming the mother will not bring her child back, nor does it shift blame from Jones. You do not need to be someone's biological father to be capable of love. In part, isn't that what the fight against Prop 8 is about? Marriage rights, adoption rights, the right to love freely, justice and equality and all that rainbow sunshiney goodness. It's not wrong or stupid to trust your kids with a partner who is not their biological parent.
It is wrong to take advantage of that trust. Trust is humanizing and beautiful. It's believing in someone, a two-way street where trust has to be reciprocated with a commitment to follow through. Jones didn't do that. He murdered a child for.. what? To assert his own masculinity? To save society from the social ills of an individual who didn't follow traditional gender roles? The mother is no less of a mother for thinking she could trust him. It pains me deeply that some people would call her a bitch when she had no idea something like this could or would happen.
The irony of it all? "I’m sorry," Jones said. "That’s my baby. I loved him to death."
Evidently, he meant it.
On a day that civil rights and equality earned a victory as Prop 8 was overturned in California, it is sickening that such an act of intolerance could take place in the United States.
The victim was just a baby. He was only 17 months old, for crying out loud. Nothing could have justified physically hurting someone that young, much less violence that took his life. Pedro Jones, who was entrusted with care of the baby, said he beat the child to "make him act like a boy instead of a little girl." Although Jones did not specify what exactly that behavior entailed, it is heartbreaking that "effeminate" traits are considered so inferior that a baby had to die for America's protection of hypermasculinity.
Someone's comment on Facebook:
"fuck this foo
and the kids stupid momma, she should know not to trust your kids to someone that is not their daddy, DUMB BITCH"
This statement does not help anyone. Blaming the mother will not bring her child back, nor does it shift blame from Jones. You do not need to be someone's biological father to be capable of love. In part, isn't that what the fight against Prop 8 is about? Marriage rights, adoption rights, the right to love freely, justice and equality and all that rainbow sunshiney goodness. It's not wrong or stupid to trust your kids with a partner who is not their biological parent.
It is wrong to take advantage of that trust. Trust is humanizing and beautiful. It's believing in someone, a two-way street where trust has to be reciprocated with a commitment to follow through. Jones didn't do that. He murdered a child for.. what? To assert his own masculinity? To save society from the social ills of an individual who didn't follow traditional gender roles? The mother is no less of a mother for thinking she could trust him. It pains me deeply that some people would call her a bitch when she had no idea something like this could or would happen.
The irony of it all? "I’m sorry," Jones said. "That’s my baby. I loved him to death."
Evidently, he meant it.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Real World, What would you do if tomorrow the world was fixed?
Before I graduated last year I felt like I was ready to take on the world. I was so looking forward to being miss nonprofit lady and riding my bike to work everyday, shopping at farmer's markets and generally doing my part to make the world a better place. After I graduated I felt tired and overwhelmed. I took a break by moving out to the country and chillaxing for the summer. I finally felt ready to get back at it and applied for some jobs.
The first interview I went to was for a generic environmental group here in Santa Cruz and well we didn't quite see eye to eye on why blaming ocean pollution on "Hispanics" was not and effective way to fight the trash island.
Job interview two, a phone interview, went really well and everything was going great until I realized that I love my country life and this is not going to work out because she didn't understand I have serious time commitments that I cannot miss or ask a friend to do-my goat needs to be milked everyday at 7am and pm.
I always imagined that I was going to be the next Julia Butterfly or Van Jones bridging the issues of environmentalism and communities of color together to build holistic meaningful solutions. But now I feel that my place is here in the woods. I feel a little guilty about this because I read the news of all the horrible things going on in the world and I still try to spread the gospel of social justice but using a toilet now just doesn't feel right. Rising and setting with the sun feels right, drinking fresh goats milk everyday and shearing my sheep and making my own chicken stock from my chickens feels right and I want to share this feeling with other people. I really believe that the system we live in cant be fixed because its based on oppression and continuous growth and all the other shit like racism and sexism that are caught up in it. I wanted to spread the word and inspire people that another world is possible but I never had any alternatives. I used to feel like this was just a hobby but now I feel like this is what I want the world to look like. Relatively small communities producing their own goods and doing light trading.
I don't expect everyone to return to an agrarian life but think about what you would do if tomorrow the world was justified? What is there still left to do? I don't intend to make this sound preachy, I have just had this on my mind for the last few months and am curios what other people think about this. If we didn't have to work for social justice, what would we work for?
love of all kinds
The first interview I went to was for a generic environmental group here in Santa Cruz and well we didn't quite see eye to eye on why blaming ocean pollution on "Hispanics" was not and effective way to fight the trash island.
Job interview two, a phone interview, went really well and everything was going great until I realized that I love my country life and this is not going to work out because she didn't understand I have serious time commitments that I cannot miss or ask a friend to do-my goat needs to be milked everyday at 7am and pm.
I always imagined that I was going to be the next Julia Butterfly or Van Jones bridging the issues of environmentalism and communities of color together to build holistic meaningful solutions. But now I feel that my place is here in the woods. I feel a little guilty about this because I read the news of all the horrible things going on in the world and I still try to spread the gospel of social justice but using a toilet now just doesn't feel right. Rising and setting with the sun feels right, drinking fresh goats milk everyday and shearing my sheep and making my own chicken stock from my chickens feels right and I want to share this feeling with other people. I really believe that the system we live in cant be fixed because its based on oppression and continuous growth and all the other shit like racism and sexism that are caught up in it. I wanted to spread the word and inspire people that another world is possible but I never had any alternatives. I used to feel like this was just a hobby but now I feel like this is what I want the world to look like. Relatively small communities producing their own goods and doing light trading.
I don't expect everyone to return to an agrarian life but think about what you would do if tomorrow the world was justified? What is there still left to do? I don't intend to make this sound preachy, I have just had this on my mind for the last few months and am curios what other people think about this. If we didn't have to work for social justice, what would we work for?
love of all kinds
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
PNX in the capital
Last Thursday-Sunday, I went to Washington, D.C. for a collegiate leadership conference, hosted by the Japanese American Citizens League, the nation's oldest and largest Asian Pacific American civil rights organization. At a young professionals mixer, APAs [both current college students and college grads] working in D.C. offices came out to network with the 14 conference attendees.
During introductions, one womyn said, "Hi, my name is Monica Thammarath."
Me [thinking] - WAIT, I KNOW THAT NAME.
Monica - "I graduated from UC Berkeley."
Me [thinking] - I KNOW YOU. I REMEMBER YOUR NAME FROM THE PLEDGE BOOK. FINALLY, STAYING UP ALL NIGHT TO MEMORIZE THOSE FREAKING NAMES HAS COME TO FRUITION!!
Well, no, I really just freaked out mentally and didn't have that internal monologue.
My intro
"Hi, my name is Carmen blah blah blah... I think I have the most in common with Monica over there because I also go to Berkeley and we share similar majors. Also, I think we're sisters of the same sorority."
I got to pick her brains during dinner and found out
1) She's Jessica's grandbig.
2) She's currently working with SEARAC [Southeast Asia Resource Action Center] on education policy.
3) She's doing exactly what I want to do when I graduate.
We chatted [well, I listened] about what life in D.C. is like.
Me - Is it hard to transition from the Bay Area to D.C., especially in this weather? *fans self*
Monica - It's really hard. But I realized that it's not about me. It's not about what I want, or how much I miss good Asian food, or how terrible the weather is. It's about something bigger than me. I'm here to be part of a movement.
I almost started crying because that was something I really needed to hear with regard to [possibly] moving away from home after graduation.
Fierce Phi Nu Xi womyn everywhere I go... <3
During introductions, one womyn said, "Hi, my name is Monica Thammarath."
Me [thinking] - WAIT, I KNOW THAT NAME.
Monica - "I graduated from UC Berkeley."
Me [thinking] - I KNOW YOU. I REMEMBER YOUR NAME FROM THE PLEDGE BOOK. FINALLY, STAYING UP ALL NIGHT TO MEMORIZE THOSE FREAKING NAMES HAS COME TO FRUITION!!
Well, no, I really just freaked out mentally and didn't have that internal monologue.
My intro
"Hi, my name is Carmen blah blah blah... I think I have the most in common with Monica over there because I also go to Berkeley and we share similar majors. Also, I think we're sisters of the same sorority."
I got to pick her brains during dinner and found out
1) She's Jessica's grandbig.
2) She's currently working with SEARAC [Southeast Asia Resource Action Center] on education policy.
3) She's doing exactly what I want to do when I graduate.
We chatted [well, I listened] about what life in D.C. is like.
Me - Is it hard to transition from the Bay Area to D.C., especially in this weather? *fans self*
Monica - It's really hard. But I realized that it's not about me. It's not about what I want, or how much I miss good Asian food, or how terrible the weather is. It's about something bigger than me. I'm here to be part of a movement.
I almost started crying because that was something I really needed to hear with regard to [possibly] moving away from home after graduation.
Fierce Phi Nu Xi womyn everywhere I go... <3
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
alumnae ritual
BY TRACY NGUYEN, but because blogpost can be horribly confounding, posted by Carmen. :]
--
So I wrote this poem in June Jordon's Poetry for the People in Spring 2009. I dunno why i never read it to you all....but I finally read it last night at Alumnae Ritual (which was amaaazing and beautiful <3). And mary requested i post the poem. So here it iz! dedicated to the c/o 2010
Title: Greek
--
So I wrote this poem in June Jordon's Poetry for the People in Spring 2009. I dunno why i never read it to you all....but I finally read it last night at Alumnae Ritual (which was amaaazing and beautiful <3). And mary requested i post the poem. So here it iz! dedicated to the c/o 2010
Title: Greek
these mass produced
overpriced
sweatshop
royal purple
silver lined
greek letters
on black sweatshirt
read
phi
nu
Xi
packaging
stamping
labeling
ME
sorority girl
these four inch block letters
across my chest
dress me
in drunken frat houses
cute pink tops
and short clubbing outfits
before
I even
walk into a room
my jet black hair paints me asian
as my english vernacular releases my american.
my yellow skin
highlights hyphenated identity
a second generation
asian american
model minority
I do math as good as ancestors
and earn straight As
that allow me to pave ways to med school
I silence my voice behind passive hesitations
I speak vietnamese as my native tongue
But I wear greek on my body
this sweatshirt
represses
my
Identity
into
manufactured cottons
of
asian american sorority stereotype
every morning before I get dressed
i hesitate to dress in these purple letters
that perpetuate preconceived
presumptions of
who I am
under
my sweater
but now, I walk into classrooms
daring folks to judge me
i wear my sweater to rallies and
pump fists that speak to justice
to oscar grant
to israel and palestine
and human genocide
as they ask me about phi nu xi
I say:
we rant on blogs about issues
to practice freedoms of speech
encourage momentous movements that
that liberate our minds
revitalize revolutions not to make solutions
but to BE a solution
we attend overpopulated
underresourced classrooms
and uplift minds that otherwise
cannot find
anyone else
who can tell them
yes
you can.
my sisters and I
educate each other
a self-taught curriculum
that teachers in classrooms
cannot give us
empowered as womyn
we define multiculturalism
not only by different skin
eyes
hair
or language
we define multiculturalism
as ONE same passionate blood line
wearing the same sweater
These purple letters do not read
Phi nu xi.
It reads ONE.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
elections
Dear world,
Today I sat in an auditorium sardine-packed with other students, all on edge and waiting for the ASUC tabulation results from this year's elections.
Ricardo Gomez and Viola Tang won EAVP and AAVP, respectively, as they should over Student Action candidates campaigning on passive platforms with NO previous experience as a Senator. Moreover, some of their platforms, while laudable in nature, pale in importance compared to more pressing issues facing students, such as the new 2012 admissions policies. These policies have had a muddled nature from the start, with little campus awareness of their implementation and negative effects on student diversity. None of the Student Action executive candidates mentioned this, and for a party who is dedicated to representing "every student, every year," it's ironic that they did not campaign to protect students who are interested in maintaining diversity. In the face of big businesses like a second Subway encroaching on lower Sproul, the tired SA platforms of student safety and improving Greek public relations fall ridiculously flat.
Then came the EVP and President positions, where our amazing CalSERVE candidates, Lean Deleon and Eunice Kwon, endured a heartbreaking loss to Nanxi Liu and Noah Stern.
Let me start with Nanxi. To quote the Daily Cal (and believe me, it pains me greatly to do so), "It would be ludicrous to bring in an EVP who hasn't served as a senator and lacks familiarity with this body, regardless of his or her other worthy qualifications. This is why Student Action candidate Nanxi Liu, despite competent responses to our questions at the forum, is not the best candidate for the job." Described as "coldly efficient," Nanxi simply lacked the institutional experience necessary to fulfill her duties. I guess being part of a business fraternity, Gamma Phi Beta sorority, and a whole litany of other business and engineer-related orgs now serve as a substitute for being grounded in community. Nanxi gives off an air of working for personal advancement instead of using the ASUC as a vehicle for activism and change. SA really needs to start picking candidates with a demonstrated vested interest in organizing and advocacy. Wait, I forgot, that's CalSERVE's job.
Noah. Noah Stern. Forget that the Daily Cal endorsed him for his "presence" and "amiable personality" (read: white, male, straight), while Eunice was accused of just not being a leader. Forget that he thinks the office of the ASUC president should be apolitical. Forget that one of his platforms was to "strengthen the Cal Community by harnessing the dynamic student life and energy on our campus" (I think I just threw up in my mouth). Under allegations of voter fraud, generously offering to vote on behalf of students who were simply too tired or lazy to do so, Noah won and part of the auditorium started chanting his name while CalSERVE folk nearby looked on in silence and disappointment. Did he "steal" the election? I don't know. He won by a larger margin than could be accounted for by logging in with other students' CalNet IDs and voting for them. Do I hope that the judicial council disqualifies him? Absolutely.
But who knows. Maybe he'll just sue the ASUC, like a few of his Student Action cronies did a few years back and assume the presidency in an atmosphere of suspicion and distrust.
Berkeley, you let me down. You voted in an EVP and president who clearly have less experience, fewer novel ideas, and less heart than their opponents. Can you make up for this next year? I got acquainted with voter ignorance and apathy this campaign season, so I won't be holding my breath, but from an eternal optimist...
Cal WHAT?!
CalSERVE!
Today I sat in an auditorium sardine-packed with other students, all on edge and waiting for the ASUC tabulation results from this year's elections.
Ricardo Gomez and Viola Tang won EAVP and AAVP, respectively, as they should over Student Action candidates campaigning on passive platforms with NO previous experience as a Senator. Moreover, some of their platforms, while laudable in nature, pale in importance compared to more pressing issues facing students, such as the new 2012 admissions policies. These policies have had a muddled nature from the start, with little campus awareness of their implementation and negative effects on student diversity. None of the Student Action executive candidates mentioned this, and for a party who is dedicated to representing "every student, every year," it's ironic that they did not campaign to protect students who are interested in maintaining diversity. In the face of big businesses like a second Subway encroaching on lower Sproul, the tired SA platforms of student safety and improving Greek public relations fall ridiculously flat.
Then came the EVP and President positions, where our amazing CalSERVE candidates, Lean Deleon and Eunice Kwon, endured a heartbreaking loss to Nanxi Liu and Noah Stern.
Let me start with Nanxi. To quote the Daily Cal (and believe me, it pains me greatly to do so), "It would be ludicrous to bring in an EVP who hasn't served as a senator and lacks familiarity with this body, regardless of his or her other worthy qualifications. This is why Student Action candidate Nanxi Liu, despite competent responses to our questions at the forum, is not the best candidate for the job." Described as "coldly efficient," Nanxi simply lacked the institutional experience necessary to fulfill her duties. I guess being part of a business fraternity, Gamma Phi Beta sorority, and a whole litany of other business and engineer-related orgs now serve as a substitute for being grounded in community. Nanxi gives off an air of working for personal advancement instead of using the ASUC as a vehicle for activism and change. SA really needs to start picking candidates with a demonstrated vested interest in organizing and advocacy. Wait, I forgot, that's CalSERVE's job.
Noah. Noah Stern. Forget that the Daily Cal endorsed him for his "presence" and "amiable personality" (read: white, male, straight), while Eunice was accused of just not being a leader. Forget that he thinks the office of the ASUC president should be apolitical. Forget that one of his platforms was to "strengthen the Cal Community by harnessing the dynamic student life and energy on our campus" (I think I just threw up in my mouth). Under allegations of voter fraud, generously offering to vote on behalf of students who were simply too tired or lazy to do so, Noah won and part of the auditorium started chanting his name while CalSERVE folk nearby looked on in silence and disappointment. Did he "steal" the election? I don't know. He won by a larger margin than could be accounted for by logging in with other students' CalNet IDs and voting for them. Do I hope that the judicial council disqualifies him? Absolutely.
But who knows. Maybe he'll just sue the ASUC, like a few of his Student Action cronies did a few years back and assume the presidency in an atmosphere of suspicion and distrust.
Berkeley, you let me down. You voted in an EVP and president who clearly have less experience, fewer novel ideas, and less heart than their opponents. Can you make up for this next year? I got acquainted with voter ignorance and apathy this campaign season, so I won't be holding my breath, but from an eternal optimist...
Cal WHAT?!
CalSERVE!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
empowerment through spoken word
At last night's sister meeting, Tracy suggested a spoken word/poem/writing exercise to have us check in with ourselves on how we've been feeling lately, whether in regard to the hateful, homophobic, racist acts going on across the UC system or just in our personal lives.
Here are some of the poems we would like to share with you.
[I feel numb
maybe it's the antidepressants
maybe it's my
sometime identity as a
rat in a wheel
or someone banging my
head against a wall
called graduation. And "getting it together."
or the fact that I am
dating someone that seems
totally ambivalent to my presence.
whatever the reason
there is disconnection
I do not feel
as deeply as I have felt
going through the motions
sometimes it's just
like I refer back to emotions
I once had.
Because the world is still fucked up
people keep dehumanizing another
and the planet is still fighting for its life.
My skin is thicker
but what am I shutting out?
and shutting in? I can't delay reality or schedule experiences.
I want the old me back.
-Elise]
[anger.
these motherfuckers!!!!!
["Our work takes a lot of programming and organizing. And it's not just enough to program. You need money to program, but you gotta have heart to organize. And I've never seen more heart."
-Nhi Tran
I've never agreed more to a statement - that you've really gotta have a lot of heart and dedication to be truly into the work that you do. I've realized that Nhi's statement added so much weight into my list of reasons for doing what I do - for the heart, but also for the people with those hearts.
-Kim]
[What does it mean to be a nigger
to be imported from a far away land?
With shackles and chains?
or what does it mean to spell it n***er?
does it take away the sting? hide it?
remove the sting from a hard history? or obscure it altogether
it's not a word i'm uncomfortable with, nigger
but then again i'm not uncomfortable with my history
the ancestors transported on ships or the ones who sold them off to such a hellacious journey
a journey past the point of no return
that's where they took them, took us
and now i'm here, at an unknown destination
still
as someone spews hate speech
niggers, nooses, and picnics
to them... that's all it is
funny, comical, satirical
but how can you satire a history, a story
that you don't even know, have forgotten
or just don't understand
how can i simply be your nigger
how can you hate me that much
that you'd ever think that hanging me from a tree
would ever be funny or satirical
how can i be simply your nigger
-Lajuanda]
[Lately I have been stretched thin
A rubber band between taut fingers
Ready to fly loose
Yet weighed down at one end by
Obligations
To a family who says they love me
But who speak with shame when their friends ask what I am studying
To a boy
Who can touch me and hold me and kiss me
But can't bothered to call once a day
To a university
Which I entered two years ago
Eager
Determined
Passionate
Some of that passion remains still
But now I am more
Disillusioned
Frustrated
Angry
And all over California, in institutions of public education
I feel a tension ready to explode
Fueled by
Unprecedented tuition hikes and a privatization of knowledge
We have seen this tension already
In the form of
Swastikas and Ku Klux Klan hats and vandalism
Today as we march forth
We hope to turn this tension
Into demands for change
Transparency
Equity
We hope it will be enough
But the world is stretched thin
A rubber band between taut fingers
Soon it will snap
And madness will burst forth
As our educational system falls apart
So tell me, who will be left standing
To pick up the pieces?
-Carmen]
[Silence
I see tears of my sisters
I hear the breaths of their sobs
I read painful words and feel like
an open wound that hasn't healed...
I see racism, sexism, homophobia
I feel disempowered, targeted and scared
I don't feel safe... anywhere
but today was a good day
I usually see the glass half empty or not there at all
the world as a bad place and people
as evil creatures I want to destroy...
but today the sun was shining
today the tears did not flow
today I saw hope in solidarity
something I thought I'd never know
I speak from privilege, pain, and experience
I understand my experience is not yours
but I know I love you, you love me
and what better foundation for a new world
-Jessica]
It was an emotional night, but thank you for sharing, sisters. If you can't speak about an experience, can't take the poison from the memory, then we can't start healing. And that is why I'm grateful for this space.
-C
Here are some of the poems we would like to share with you.
[I feel numb
maybe it's the antidepressants
maybe it's my
sometime identity as a
rat in a wheel
or someone banging my
head against a wall
called graduation. And "getting it together."
or the fact that I am
dating someone that seems
totally ambivalent to my presence.
whatever the reason
there is disconnection
I do not feel
as deeply as I have felt
going through the motions
sometimes it's just
like I refer back to emotions
I once had.
Because the world is still fucked up
people keep dehumanizing another
and the planet is still fighting for its life.
My skin is thicker
but what am I shutting out?
and shutting in? I can't delay reality or schedule experiences.
I want the old me back.
-Elise]
[anger.
yup.
that's what i was when i heard about it.
a bullet to the heart.
hmmmmmmm.
ughhhhhhhh.
these motherfuckers!!!!!
what do you mean this is just one incident?!?!?!
black people complain too much?!?!?!?!
'colored people' are ungrateful?!?!?!
racism doesn't exist?!?!?!
really?
reallllyyyy?
reallllyyyyyyyyyy?
you know what?
you. you go educate yourself.
wait, i take that back.
let me school you.
you see all that white privilege you got on?
you know what? nevermind. you won't understand.
because you're just like fish swimming everyday not even thinking twice about that water keeping you alive.
you know what that water keep you alive is huh, fish?
that's ME.
i'm that mothafuckin' water.
MY people.
OUR communities.
you are NOTHING without me.
nothing without my community!
nothing without people of color!
ha
-Amaris]
you are all my safe place.
-Amaris]
[“Why am I compelled to write?... Because the world I create in the writing compensates for what the real world does not give me. By writing I put order in the world, give it a handle so I can grasp it. I write because life does not appease my appetites and anger... To become more intimate with myself and you. To discover myself, to preserve myself, to make myself, to achieve self-autonomy. To dispell the myths that I am a mad prophet or a poor suffering soul. To convince myself that I am worthy and that what I have to say is not a pile of shit... Finally I write because I'm scared of writing, but I'm more scared of not writing.”
-Gloria Anzalduayou are all my safe place.
my borderland.
-Tracy]["Our work takes a lot of programming and organizing. And it's not just enough to program. You need money to program, but you gotta have heart to organize. And I've never seen more heart."
-Nhi Tran
I've never agreed more to a statement - that you've really gotta have a lot of heart and dedication to be truly into the work that you do. I've realized that Nhi's statement added so much weight into my list of reasons for doing what I do - for the heart, but also for the people with those hearts.
-Kim]
[What does it mean to be a nigger
to be imported from a far away land?
With shackles and chains?
or what does it mean to spell it n***er?
does it take away the sting? hide it?
remove the sting from a hard history? or obscure it altogether
it's not a word i'm uncomfortable with, nigger
but then again i'm not uncomfortable with my history
the ancestors transported on ships or the ones who sold them off to such a hellacious journey
a journey past the point of no return
that's where they took them, took us
and now i'm here, at an unknown destination
still
as someone spews hate speech
niggers, nooses, and picnics
to them... that's all it is
funny, comical, satirical
but how can you satire a history, a story
that you don't even know, have forgotten
or just don't understand
how can i simply be your nigger
how can you hate me that much
that you'd ever think that hanging me from a tree
would ever be funny or satirical
how can i be simply your nigger
-Lajuanda]
[Lately I have been stretched thin
A rubber band between taut fingers
Ready to fly loose
Yet weighed down at one end by
Obligations
To a family who says they love me
But who speak with shame when their friends ask what I am studying
To a boy
Who can touch me and hold me and kiss me
But can't bothered to call once a day
To a university
Which I entered two years ago
Eager
Determined
Passionate
Some of that passion remains still
But now I am more
Disillusioned
Frustrated
Angry
And all over California, in institutions of public education
I feel a tension ready to explode
Fueled by
Unprecedented tuition hikes and a privatization of knowledge
We have seen this tension already
In the form of
Swastikas and Ku Klux Klan hats and vandalism
Today as we march forth
We hope to turn this tension
Into demands for change
Transparency
Equity
We hope it will be enough
But the world is stretched thin
A rubber band between taut fingers
Soon it will snap
And madness will burst forth
As our educational system falls apart
So tell me, who will be left standing
To pick up the pieces?
-Carmen]
[Silence
I see tears of my sisters
I hear the breaths of their sobs
I read painful words and feel like
an open wound that hasn't healed...
I see racism, sexism, homophobia
I feel disempowered, targeted and scared
I don't feel safe... anywhere
but today was a good day
I usually see the glass half empty or not there at all
the world as a bad place and people
as evil creatures I want to destroy...
but today the sun was shining
today the tears did not flow
today I saw hope in solidarity
something I thought I'd never know
I speak from privilege, pain, and experience
I understand my experience is not yours
but I know I love you, you love me
and what better foundation for a new world
-Jessica]
It was an emotional night, but thank you for sharing, sisters. If you can't speak about an experience, can't take the poison from the memory, then we can't start healing. And that is why I'm grateful for this space.
-C
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